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03 September 2012
R. Linda:
Well, I hate to say it but one of our blog members fell down her carpeted stairs and broke her wrist. Yes, she did. So she's home in a lot of pain. Yes, she has pain pills but still. When I heard about this misfortune, I immediately laughed (I, unfortunately, be prone to nervous laughter at bad news, it's a condition with a really cool name for a very bad habit, Schadenfreude). I do that when unnerved, not a good thing because I get in more trouble while someone be laying flat out and I be laughing and asking them what I can do for them through the laughter, and of course, that be seen as insincere. But really, I can't help it.
Anyway, we hope Dew doesn't misjudge the bathroom door for the stairs and gets better soon so she won't have to use her thumb to email or text. Though I have heard of people learning to type with their toes. Idea there Dew!
So when I got over the laughter, I remembered another such time when I was witness to the self same disaster. I was in me twenties and had a date with a rather bubble headed blond named Donna. I met Donna in a photography class and I was paired with her on learning to use the F Stop and B setting, and such things back then. After class a few of us would go to the corner pub and have a brew, talk about class and basically that was it. But Donna had a crush on yours truly, and I kept her at arms length for a very long time until the others in the class convinced me to take her out. Well, reluctantly I did, so I wouldn't have to hear about it. I figured, get it over with, she'll see we are not compatible, and that will be that.
The date night came, I picked her up, she was fixed up and at first I didn't recognise her and asked if her sister was home. I know, stupid, but in class she never wore makeup and she always had jeans on, so seeing her hair fixed, makeup on, and in a skirt . . . well who knew? So I asked her what she wanted to do and she said, "Ooh lets goo see da palm reader and git ourselves read why don't we?"
I was not liking the idea and I did make a minor objection, but she was insistent so off we went. I went first, Donna knew if she went first I'd not go at all, so in she shoved me. Like other encounters with this sort of thing, I sat there with palm out like let's get it over with.
The palmist was dressed like me Mam. I was expecting gypsy and got me Mam. How crazy be that? Anyway, she told me I had a crazy woman after me. That this crazy woman would stalk me and be a general annoyance in me life. BUT there was a solution. Oh yes, there was. For £100 she'd light a candle, make a spell and get rid of her for me. Right. I knew the crazy person she spoke of was sitting outside in the waiting room, and I also knew she would stalk me because crazy was crazy about me but I wasn't feeling it, no matter how dressed up she was. Don't forget I'd already seen her as she usually was and well . . . you get the idea.
The last thing I wanted, was to pay out £100 of me hard earned money for a crazy spell. Hell, I could light me own candle and make up me own spell for very little to the cost. I declined and said I'd take me chances. I was told me life was going to be a living hell, but if I changed me mind, I knew where to come. OK then.
Next up crazy Donna. As I came out she looked at me seriously and whispered, "Ow wuz it? Wuz she accurate?" And you know me, I nodded and shoved her inside.
When she came out (and she was in there for a very long time) she came out with her eyes bugging out of her head, a very serious expression on her face, one hand over her heart, the other clutching her purse.
"We need to go," she said quietly getting me up.
Well, to make a long crazy story told by Donna short, the palmist told her she'd marry a tall, dark man and she already knew him. That would be me. No way. She also told her, she had a curse on her by a brown haired woman with the initial M who was interested in the tall, dark man. Well, there was in our photo class a woman named Mairi who had brown hair and she and I laughed a lot at things, but we were not dating and I knew she was taken. But apparently Donna decided this was the woman, forget she had a fella. I pooh poohed the whole idea and when I looked at her I could see something else was bothering her, so I asked.
"She . . . she told me I'd die of a heart problem."
I was floored. How can someone say such a thing to someone they don't know and why? Well, the why came next for £500 pounds she would light a candle and . . . you know the rest. I was ready to go back in there and berate the palmist as a fraud and insensitive piece of work. But Donna wouldn't let me, she just wanted to go because she believed it! I was really angry with Donna being so stupid.
"You didn't pay her dat did ya?" I asked.
"Well . . . I don't 'ave dat mouch so I gave 'er a cheque fer £150 and said I'd give 'er da rest in instalments."
"YOU DID WOT?" I was livid. Crazy or not, that wasn't right. But still she wouldn't let me go back and get her money and give out a generous piece of me mind.
"Let's git a drink and soome food." She sighed resigned that she was the walking dead. I tell ya!
So I figured I could talk her into us going back if we had dinner and a few drinks to bolster her courage to do just that. Well, we were on dessert, she had had wine with dinner, and an Irish coffee (extra Jameson) with dessert and then wanted Sambuca with a coffee bean for after. I have not since that night touched Sambuca. We must have had six of those suckers and talk about looped. Oh yeah, we were looped all right. So looped we walked to my place to sober up on hot, strong coffee. But as we came in we had to walk a few steps to me basement apartment. Those steps down into the apartment were carpeted in a horrible brown shag. Many a time I grabbed the railing to keep from losing me footing, but I had made it down when I heard, BUMP, BUMP, BUMP, BUMP, and down she came passing out at the bottom of the six stairs at me feet.
"Donna! Donna! Ar' ye all rioght?" I started laughing, yes I did. I didn't mean to it just happens. I had crouched down but she was out like a light. I thought she must have hit her head, but her breath was rank Sambuca and I realised it was a combination of the fall and drunkenness. So loud was the bump, bump, bump down me stairs that a neighbour came to the doorway to peer down and ask if I needed help.
"No, no, she just slipped she'd cooming around, but tank you." I said as they nodded seeing I was in control of the situation and shut the door.
Donna came around giggling like it was all funny. I started laughing because that's what I do when nervous as I said before the Schadenfreude was kicking in, and the two of us, her laying flat out and me crouching over her, laughed for what must have been twenty minutes, tears flowing down our faces.
So yeah Donna was luckier than Dewdrop, no broken bones but . . . and this pains me to say, it was only six years ago I heard that Donna dropped dead of heart failure. Now how did that palmist know that? Or, was Donna so convinced of this she made it happen? This brings a rather strange question, IF Donna had paid her the full amount would the spell have saved her? I think not. But how did that woman know? Donna was fine all the years following and one day . . . just fell down (well not the stairs this time), but that was it!
A note here, she told her friends about the money for the palmist, trying to raise the amount, and they all told her what I did, that was crazy talk. She did get her money back eventually. And she was a stalker of mine for most of me time in Newry. So that was true too. She always liked me more than I liked her and she was always around whether I was nice to her or acted otherwise. She did end up marrying a tall, dark fella. He wasn't good to her though. I felt bad about her end. I did not laugh. But all that came flooding back to me and I do wonder to this day about that "reading."
So hang in there Dewdrop it's only your wrist, as for me I will have Schadenfreude for the rest of me life. Ha-ha!
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
03 September 2012
R. Linda:
Well, I hate to say it but one of our blog members fell down her carpeted stairs and broke her wrist. Yes, she did. So she's home in a lot of pain. Yes, she has pain pills but still. When I heard about this misfortune, I immediately laughed (I, unfortunately, be prone to nervous laughter at bad news, it's a condition with a really cool name for a very bad habit, Schadenfreude). I do that when unnerved, not a good thing because I get in more trouble while someone be laying flat out and I be laughing and asking them what I can do for them through the laughter, and of course, that be seen as insincere. But really, I can't help it.
Anyway, we hope Dew doesn't misjudge the bathroom door for the stairs and gets better soon so she won't have to use her thumb to email or text. Though I have heard of people learning to type with their toes. Idea there Dew!
So when I got over the laughter, I remembered another such time when I was witness to the self same disaster. I was in me twenties and had a date with a rather bubble headed blond named Donna. I met Donna in a photography class and I was paired with her on learning to use the F Stop and B setting, and such things back then. After class a few of us would go to the corner pub and have a brew, talk about class and basically that was it. But Donna had a crush on yours truly, and I kept her at arms length for a very long time until the others in the class convinced me to take her out. Well, reluctantly I did, so I wouldn't have to hear about it. I figured, get it over with, she'll see we are not compatible, and that will be that.
The date night came, I picked her up, she was fixed up and at first I didn't recognise her and asked if her sister was home. I know, stupid, but in class she never wore makeup and she always had jeans on, so seeing her hair fixed, makeup on, and in a skirt . . . well who knew? So I asked her what she wanted to do and she said, "Ooh lets goo see da palm reader and git ourselves read why don't we?"
I was not liking the idea and I did make a minor objection, but she was insistent so off we went. I went first, Donna knew if she went first I'd not go at all, so in she shoved me. Like other encounters with this sort of thing, I sat there with palm out like let's get it over with.
The palmist was dressed like me Mam. I was expecting gypsy and got me Mam. How crazy be that? Anyway, she told me I had a crazy woman after me. That this crazy woman would stalk me and be a general annoyance in me life. BUT there was a solution. Oh yes, there was. For £100 she'd light a candle, make a spell and get rid of her for me. Right. I knew the crazy person she spoke of was sitting outside in the waiting room, and I also knew she would stalk me because crazy was crazy about me but I wasn't feeling it, no matter how dressed up she was. Don't forget I'd already seen her as she usually was and well . . . you get the idea.
The last thing I wanted, was to pay out £100 of me hard earned money for a crazy spell. Hell, I could light me own candle and make up me own spell for very little to the cost. I declined and said I'd take me chances. I was told me life was going to be a living hell, but if I changed me mind, I knew where to come. OK then.
Next up crazy Donna. As I came out she looked at me seriously and whispered, "Ow wuz it? Wuz she accurate?" And you know me, I nodded and shoved her inside.
When she came out (and she was in there for a very long time) she came out with her eyes bugging out of her head, a very serious expression on her face, one hand over her heart, the other clutching her purse.
"We need to go," she said quietly getting me up.
Well, to make a long crazy story told by Donna short, the palmist told her she'd marry a tall, dark man and she already knew him. That would be me. No way. She also told her, she had a curse on her by a brown haired woman with the initial M who was interested in the tall, dark man. Well, there was in our photo class a woman named Mairi who had brown hair and she and I laughed a lot at things, but we were not dating and I knew she was taken. But apparently Donna decided this was the woman, forget she had a fella. I pooh poohed the whole idea and when I looked at her I could see something else was bothering her, so I asked.
"She . . . she told me I'd die of a heart problem."
I was floored. How can someone say such a thing to someone they don't know and why? Well, the why came next for £500 pounds she would light a candle and . . . you know the rest. I was ready to go back in there and berate the palmist as a fraud and insensitive piece of work. But Donna wouldn't let me, she just wanted to go because she believed it! I was really angry with Donna being so stupid.
"You didn't pay her dat did ya?" I asked.
"Well . . . I don't 'ave dat mouch so I gave 'er a cheque fer £150 and said I'd give 'er da rest in instalments."
"YOU DID WOT?" I was livid. Crazy or not, that wasn't right. But still she wouldn't let me go back and get her money and give out a generous piece of me mind.
"Let's git a drink and soome food." She sighed resigned that she was the walking dead. I tell ya!
So I figured I could talk her into us going back if we had dinner and a few drinks to bolster her courage to do just that. Well, we were on dessert, she had had wine with dinner, and an Irish coffee (extra Jameson) with dessert and then wanted Sambuca with a coffee bean for after. I have not since that night touched Sambuca. We must have had six of those suckers and talk about looped. Oh yeah, we were looped all right. So looped we walked to my place to sober up on hot, strong coffee. But as we came in we had to walk a few steps to me basement apartment. Those steps down into the apartment were carpeted in a horrible brown shag. Many a time I grabbed the railing to keep from losing me footing, but I had made it down when I heard, BUMP, BUMP, BUMP, BUMP, and down she came passing out at the bottom of the six stairs at me feet.
"Donna! Donna! Ar' ye all rioght?" I started laughing, yes I did. I didn't mean to it just happens. I had crouched down but she was out like a light. I thought she must have hit her head, but her breath was rank Sambuca and I realised it was a combination of the fall and drunkenness. So loud was the bump, bump, bump down me stairs that a neighbour came to the doorway to peer down and ask if I needed help.
"No, no, she just slipped she'd cooming around, but tank you." I said as they nodded seeing I was in control of the situation and shut the door.
Donna came around giggling like it was all funny. I started laughing because that's what I do when nervous as I said before the Schadenfreude was kicking in, and the two of us, her laying flat out and me crouching over her, laughed for what must have been twenty minutes, tears flowing down our faces.
So yeah Donna was luckier than Dewdrop, no broken bones but . . . and this pains me to say, it was only six years ago I heard that Donna dropped dead of heart failure. Now how did that palmist know that? Or, was Donna so convinced of this she made it happen? This brings a rather strange question, IF Donna had paid her the full amount would the spell have saved her? I think not. But how did that woman know? Donna was fine all the years following and one day . . . just fell down (well not the stairs this time), but that was it!
A note here, she told her friends about the money for the palmist, trying to raise the amount, and they all told her what I did, that was crazy talk. She did get her money back eventually. And she was a stalker of mine for most of me time in Newry. So that was true too. She always liked me more than I liked her and she was always around whether I was nice to her or acted otherwise. She did end up marrying a tall, dark fella. He wasn't good to her though. I felt bad about her end. I did not laugh. But all that came flooding back to me and I do wonder to this day about that "reading."
So hang in there Dewdrop it's only your wrist, as for me I will have Schadenfreude for the rest of me life. Ha-ha!
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
