Of Bananas Wearing Condoms & Not Getting What You Paid For

21 September 2026

2016

R. Linda:

Well, well, well. Now the family believes me. I have told them for months that Mrs Dragon was losing it. They said I was imagining things. Everyone knows I have a healthy imagination, so…

BUT here is the proof, such as it is. 

Yesterday, Tonya went food shopping. The kiddos are banana freaks, and Tonya always buys a large bunch. We have a banana holder she hangs them on in the kitchen, in sight of everyone. Shipped in bunches, they have a soft plastic at the top to keep them from separating and blue tape around the middle to keep them from bumping into other bananas and damaging themselves or the others during transport. All very well and good.

Yes, indeed, the Dragon lady got carried away, far, far away with what she thought she was looking at: Bananas wearing condoms, is what she said. Let's look at this soft plastic holder, shall we?

It's hard to tell, but it's there

Ever onward with this dreadful mix-up. 

The Dragon does not eat bananas for whatever reason, but she did notice when they were gone. Not in the usual way you'd notice, like nothing hanging from the banana holder; no, it was what was in the trash bin. 

What was in the bin was the soft plastic top, but she didn't associate that with bananas, but with something far more embarrassing, like a human banana, if you get me drift. Let me show you what she saw in the trash, and I'll leave the rest to YOUR imagination.

She took this as being a condom

She went wild. She told Tonya the males in the house (I be assuming this includes yours truly) were being "nasty in their habits." Well, for the males in the house old enough to know what a condom is, we felt like we were being singled out as "nasties" as well as very stupid to put one on top of the trash, but we did smile at the fact that the thing was on top of a banana.

On hearing this, I said, "Who would be putting condoms on bananas?" Then I said, "Actually, I find that funny."

Well, she did not and said so in many, many words. 

Tonya went and took a look, took the picture, and, giggling, showed it to me.

"Yes, Mother, I see it. But it's not a condom; it's the soft plastic they put over the top of the bananas on shipping to hold them together.

"Well, it looks like a condom to me!" She was all put out.

I'd like to say her day got better, but it did not. While the male population of the house was off laughing our arses off, she had got a package. She knows O'Hare loves the legend of Sleepy Hollow and the Headless Horseman, so she saw a resin statue that lights up with a pumpkin light and sent for it. 

This is what she ordered on FB, or thought she did. It's about 10" x 10". 

Very nice if it really exists

She ordered the first one a while back and got what you are about to see. This one arrived from China (which made me wonder about their knowledge of the Headless Horseman), and it came in a rather small box. When she opened it, it was barely 6" x 6".

Close but no cigar

Well, the reins were missing, so she used some rawhide she uses for bracelets and fixed that. The plastic pumpkin was broken off and didn't work, and while it resembles the original, it's not the original and is cheaply made. Never daunted, she went to the Walmart website to order another one, thinking surely Walmart would have the right one. Well, she received the shipping notice from CHINA; she began to worry, and she should, because what came next was twice as bad as what she got the first time.

Measuring almost 7" x 7" 

Not only was the arm off the rider, but it was also chipped on the other side, and the PLASTIC pumpkin

was rolling around in the box. And the light inside Mr Pumpkin doesn't work. It looks cartoonish. 

She is quitting while she is ahead. I told her, one more, and it's three strikes and you're out, but she says no; the two monstrosities are enough. She's learned her lesson. O'Hare has the first one and is happy, and she's taking the second home with her; that is, I assume she is leaving soon. One can hope.

Now if only we could convince her about bananas and condoms, we'd be all set.

Gabe

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