"Itz Worth Thousands"

06 September 2026

2011

R. Linda:

I thought that with everyone gone, life might and I say might, because nothing is ever written in stone when it comes to me--return to some kind of normalcy. I hoped that anyway. After the Doc Holiday incident, things were going smoothly. Annie Jenkins, who owns the former escapee, came over with a homemade carrot cake for moi. I shared it with all, and I was very proud of me horse-wrangling capabilities; how I managed that gigantic horse-saving was the talk all over our little horsey town, giving me a bit of celebrity. 

That was until a certain red mustang pulled down me driveway.

Say so long to a calm, cool, and collected lifestyle, and hello to chaos, weirdness, and frustration personified. Yes, R. Linda, the Weasil was BACK!

My first reaction was to turn off the lights, lock the door and hide. But too late for that, Tonya was looking out the window, waving at him as he pulled up.

"Oh, Gabe! Weasil's here." 

Like I didn't know that. I sighed. There was nothing to do for it but open the door and let the young whippersnapper in to usurp me world and create as much craziness as he possibly can get away with. 

I opened the door with a flourish, bowed to me waist and gestured the young scamp inside.

"Your Majesty, back so soon? What brings you to me neck of the woods?"

He grabbed me by me shirt and shook me as he said, "Gabby, I gots somethin' valuable fer like an American dollar!"

"You did?" I feigned surprise and enthusiasm, but he didn't seem to notice. He thought I was enjoying his announcement.

"Aye, I wentz me way downie to Beanie Town an' I was passin' an antiquie store when I saw it!"

I bit: "Saw what?"

"It'z out in me speed wagon."

OK, speed wagon, that's what he calls the Mustang. Last I heard, he had named it Alma. But hey, speed wagon is what it be. He speeds like a demon.

"Well, go get it." I encouraged, still feigning enthusiasm that was not there.

I stood there looking at Tonya, who had cowardly retreated to the kitchen. She was standing with a cuppa tea and smiling at me, like a Cheshire cat. 

"Not nice, Ton. You should be standing here with bated breath waiting for the great find to appear in the doorway."

"Nah, that's ok. You can act sufficiently overwhelmed for both of us."

Well, let me tell you, I was bloody overwhelmed for real. I had no clue what Weasil had in his arms. He had a huge grin on his weasely face like he had scored the winning goal for Man United. 

"Sos, wot ya think?" He said, extending it so I could get a look all around it.

I put on me analytic face and rubbed me chin, taking it in. Out of the corner of me eye, I saw Tonya, brow furrowed in perplexity, looking from the kitchen. I raised me eyebrows at her, like, what the hell is that thing? She read me perfectly and shrugged. 

"Um, very nice. VERY nice." I said as if I was truly impressed.

"Yeah, I made out I did." Said he. "It be worth thousands!" 

"O K. What the bloody hell is that?" I asked.

Weasil hesitated for the tiniest beat.

"Dunno."

"SO, let me get this straight: YOU saw something strange, decided it was valuable, and paid practically nothing for it? And here you and IT are."

"Yuppers we iz."

R. Linda, I know you are dying to see this thing, just like Tonya was. I showed him into the kitchen, and he set it on the table, and with silence reigning, the three of us stared at it.

Weasil's acquisition and me experiencing perplexity

"Any ideas there, Tonya?" I asked her.

"No, but I think we need something stronger than tea. I'll be right back." And off she went for the Jameson bottle and glasses.

"Take a wild guess, Weaz, what do you think this is?"

"I've absolutely no idea, BUT I knowz it's worth sumthin'."

"Looks like junk to me," Tonya said, putting the "refreshments" on the table. 

That remark upset the Weasil greatly. 

Once we had our shot glasses in hand, we stood there sipping and offering explanations.

"I especially like the glass globe," Tonya said, "it is some kind of ridiculous contraption."

"Oh, it be that," I agreed.

"And the magnifying glass, um, well, I'm sure there is a perfectly plausible explanation for whatever it is."

"It looks old," I offered. "Its purpose is not immediately apparent." I surmised more to meself, which brought "You think, Sherlocke?" From the wife. 

"Itz worth thousands," Weasil mumbled again.

"Here, let me take a picture of the 'thing,' and I'll put it in Finder and see if anything comes up." Tonya took a snap and punched in "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

I regretted that I even opened the door to this bullshit. 

"It's searching," she said. "And still searching," she said, smiling, tolerating us, and the 'thing'.

"I juz knowz it be worth thousands," Weasil mumbled again, tracing his finger along the thermometer or whatever the tube thing was. 

"Okay, let's really look at this thing," I said. "It has a globe; it has a thermometer, or is that a pressure gauge?  It has a weight measurer, it has a counterweight, it has a magnifying glass and two things I haven't a clue about."

"Have fun figuring out what the blasted thing supposedly measures," Tonya said. "Oh, here it is," she said, flashing the photo that came up.

"Ooh, ooh, dats it!" Weasil shouted, all excited.

Found in an antique shop

Only it wasn't an antique.

"So how much iz it worth?" Weasil asked, surprised she found it.

"Ohhh, how much did you say? Thousands?" She asked, and he nodded his head in a lively affirmative, anticipation of joy written all over his face.

She sucked in her breath and shook her head.

"I hate to be the bearer of not-so-good news, so please don't kill the messenger, BUT…YOU'VE STEAMPUNKED YOURSELF!"

"Steampunked? You mean itz a steampunk creation? OF WOT?" This said with immense irritation.

"It doesn't say. But it does say this: Steampunk creations can be made from or depict completely "useless" articles, and in fact, this is a major part of the subculture's charm."

I tried hard to keep meself together. This was rich, almost too rich. Crap like this happens to me, not Weasil, so you know I was enjoying the heck out of all this. 

Against every law of nature — I turn out to be right.

Gabe

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