Bats Out The Window

27 June 2026

1177

R. Linda:

THIS was brought to me attention by me former flasher neighbour, Lois:

Yes, indeed, she was surfing her hometown FB page when she stumbled across this, and, naturally, Lois always has an opinion, so she rendered it.

She asked me when I moved into me new abode, whether I had bats or flying squirrels, and which service I used. Well, it was flying squirrels since I be a favourite with the squirrel community. However, I did tell her I recently had a bat in me attic, and I used an open window and a broom to get it out. Yes, at the time I told me mother-in-law that her broom was gassed up, the window was open, and the runway was clear, so it was time to fly home.

I was sorely tempted to find this request and tell them how I had successfully got rid of the old bat, without spending a pence. Then it occurred to me that they probably wouldn't appreciate me joke. This be New England, and as I was reminded several times, New Englanders have no sense of humour or a funnybone. And no matter how many times I protested that I was not a born New Englander, I was a blood Irishman, it fell on deaf ears, or let's be honest here, ears that can't hear, or don't want to. WHICH brings selective hearing to a whole new level.

So I resisted the temptation (and oh, it was a strong temptation). These days, discretion is the better part of not getting thrown off the local FB page. But then again, I don't have an FB page to be thrown off of and probably couldn't get to that request anyway. Also, I have to take into consideration that a real bat would be far more appreciative than the figurative ones. 

Then again, these days you can't call anyone an old bat without people reporting you, a few demanding an apology, and others recommending a licensed wildlife rehabilitator, because they can't admit they didn't get the joke, and still others telling you that you need serious help. 

I decided to keep me fingers off the keyboard. A real bat would have taken the hint and flown out the window. Humans, in me experience, are much harder to relocate. 

Gabe

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