21 June 2018
Story #919
R. Linda:
In the course of living life, some moments stick in your mind, and you look back, having to smile or, in some cases, outright laugh. Here are a few.
Background: Tonya's sister's child, eight months old, had fractured her hip. Doctor had her in a soft cast for a few months, and then it was only at night when she slept. She was starting to stand on her own, and she was trying to walk, aided of course, so all were good signs she was recovering. Tonya's sister had to take her to the podiatrist to have her feet examined to ensure she wasn't developing splayed leg.
The laugh: Tonya's sister walked into the office holding the wee one, and the podiatrist looked at her as she came in. As she sat her sandal-wearing herself down, the doctor took one look at her feet and said, "We have a lot of work to do here."
"No, the appointment is for my the little one." Tonya's sister managed to croak, looking down at her own feet and wondering what was wrong with them.
Background: I was told by Tomas that he and his new wife went out to dinner with his best friend and his wife. The evening started somewhat tense, Tomas told me, as it seemed the couple were not on the best of terms over the fact that the husband had spent the day with his friends at a sports pub watching the World Cup, leaving the wife home by herself. She didn't understand why he couldn't have stayed home and watched it on the telly with her. So during dinner, this subject finally came to light after Tomas unwittingly asked his friend if he had watched England's defeat in the Cup.
The laugh: The discussion got out of hand to the point where the man's wife turned to her husband and said, "You should go home with Tomas. I will take Katie home with me. It will work out even better this way."
Background: Tonya's mother, the Dragon Lady, was invited to a family barbecue back in New Jersey. Dragon had been busy helping one of her sons move, and she had forgotten about the barbecue. Now, Dragon be a hefty woman, and no one has dared call her fat until . . .
The laugh: Dragon's sister rang her up and asked her this: "We need to know if you're coming so we know how much food to get." To which the Dragon took that as her sister implying she be a fatso.
Background: The school where Tonya teaches has a year-end tradition of taking the graduating kindergartners to a local historical museum. As in past years, there are three parental volunteers who go with Tonya and her assistant to watch over the kiddos. This year, a woman volunteered who had never been on a class trip with wee ones. She was overwhelmed with the way they would wander off with her running to catch them back, and well, she was, for all intents and purposes, rather frazzled mid-tour. She had a group of six or seven to watch over, and I know it isn't easy watching over them all when they are all going in different directions.
At one point, the children in her group entered a room where a table, made from a historic oak that had fallen in the early 1800s, was located. The selectmen of the time decided to have a table made from a single solid piece. Since it was locally referred to as the Lion Tree because its leafy branches resembled a lion's mane when in full leaf, the local woodworker hand-carved a lion's face on the top. The sides were the deep, chiselled grooves that formed the mane on all four sides, with lion paws for the table feet. It has been a treasure to the little town, so you can imagine how protective the historical society is about it.
The laugh: Upon seeing the table, the children all ran up to it and were told to not touch it, just look and then move on. Well, our new parent had got into a conversation with another parent, the other parent talking to the newbie while directing kiddie traffic on the other side of the room, so neither woman was looking at where the table stood. Well, our newbie had a bright neon blue marker pen that she had used to mark off the names of her group, and this pen was sticking out of her purse. Her own little darling snatched it without her knowing or either parent seeing or realising, and off he went to the lion table, where the budding artist drew bright blue lines in the grooves of the lion's mane. Yes, the little darling had made his way from one side and was halfway into the grooves on another when his mother saw him.
Well, the priceless relic was ruined, ruined I say, R. Linda, a wreck it was. No one appreciated the new artwork; no one thought it an improvement, and tears were shed by two of the museum employees and many more by the entire historical society. I tell ya! Well, the price tag is estimated to be in the thousand-dollar range to "try" to restore it. Cleaning chemicals won't work, so each groove (and there are many) must be individually hand-sanded. Yup, Mrs. Parent won't be volunteering anymore, you can be certain. As for the wee one, he didn't realise what masterpiece he was defacing, but I did hear he be grounded from Sesame Street until he reaches the age of 12. By that time, he won't care, but let that be a lesson to him!
Background: I had been clipping hedges, digging holes for garden posts, so it wasn't any wonder me upper arms were hurting. I had a hard time sleeping for three nights as a result of labour I wasn't used to doing. It got so bad I was rubbing me arms and complaining to me Mam over breakfast how sore I was.
The laugh: "Could be yer haz got yersel rickets dare sonny buy." Says she.
"Rickets? What the heck are rickets?" I asked, having notta clue but not liking the sound of the word. It brought to mind crickets settled under me skin and eating me joints. Luckily, Tonya was there to explain the childhood disease, but if she hadn't, me Mam's words would have had me in a state of angst and worry until someone clued me in. I tell ya the woman! Rickets indeed.
And now onto you, me Muse.
Background: Recovering from an illness, you decided the best thing to do to get back on your hobbit feet was to take a walk in the park. Yes, sounds good to me! You enlisted your daughter to walk with you, with her at your side, a walker in front, an oxygen tank bringing up the rear, and your daughter's friend carrying it behind you. All set for a walk on a sunny day, nothing like a bit of exercise, right?
The laugh: You were doing just fine enjoying the scenery (or maybe not), in the company of your two amigos, that is, until the sky suddenly clouded over. There you were, slowly making your way, your daughter chatting as you went, all was right with the world except for that dark cloud. As you were halfway around the park headed toward the parking lot, that rumble of thunder made you all take pause, but nah, nothing to worry about, Colorado weather was like New Hampshire, it changed on a dime and a dime you did not think to bring BECAUSE, suddenly on the backstretch, the heavens opened up. Rain would have been one thing, but you weren't expecting the hail bullets that let loose from the sky and pelted that slow walker tour of the park into hyper motion. I tell ya!
There you were, in a light tee shirt, as hard rain hit with golf ball-size hail, the winds fierce. . . I'd say you were all soaked within seconds and freezing as well! In the confusion, your daughter's friend throws his baseball cap on your head not to protect your noggin, but more to prevent the purple in your hair from dripping down your startled face. Your companions saw the overpass ahead and thought that would be a great place to shelter, but you said NO. Who says that? The two concerned caretakers tried to cover you, who had been wearing shorts, and all it accomplished was that three people were soaked and frozen. Add to this sorry story, the car was in the second lot and far, far away. Oh, what to do? Luckily, someone of you flagged down a man in a truck who let you all in, including the walker and the tank. You were probably too focused on whether your butt was getting his seat wet, but hey he brought you to the lot. I tell ya, Muse, sometimes . . .
But that's ok, I'm not finished yet.
Background: Me stupid cousin was offered two chairs for his camper by an old man down the road. The chairs are nice, with Windsor arms, and probably worth a small bit.
The laugh: But what does me cousin do? Instead of unloading the chairs, he keeps one on his front seat and the other in the hatchback. Why? Because when he goes to the sandpit (local drinking spot), he can whip out the chairs and sit out there with his best bud and throw back a few cold ones. I won't tell you what I think of this because you already know.
But wait, it isn't over. Here is one more.
Background: Sean has found himself a girlfriend of sorts. Poor dear has no brain in her small head. No, she's a swamp Yankee with a sixth-grade education, and she waits tables at the local pancake establishment. She calls billionaire magnets 'maggots' because she doesn't know any better. A pumpkin is a punkin, and antiques are Auntie Q's. Yup, you see the problem? One cannot have a decent or deep conversation with this lovely person.
The laugh: So the other day at me house we had a terrific downpour and puddles were dotting the dirt road. I go out to see if we lost any trees, and I come upon Stacy (yes, that's her) on her belly, swimming (well, you couldn't swim in that small amount of water, but she was), in a mud puddle. I asked her what she was doing in St. Brigid's world, and she told me she was "experiencin' watah moly ques". Yup, water molecules - something she overheard me eldest boyo, talking about in a science experiment. Nuff said, I be done now.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
Story #919
R. Linda:
In the course of living life, some moments stick in your mind, and you look back, having to smile or, in some cases, outright laugh. Here are a few.
Background: Tonya's sister's child, eight months old, had fractured her hip. Doctor had her in a soft cast for a few months, and then it was only at night when she slept. She was starting to stand on her own, and she was trying to walk, aided of course, so all were good signs she was recovering. Tonya's sister had to take her to the podiatrist to have her feet examined to ensure she wasn't developing splayed leg.
The laugh: Tonya's sister walked into the office holding the wee one, and the podiatrist looked at her as she came in. As she sat her sandal-wearing herself down, the doctor took one look at her feet and said, "We have a lot of work to do here."
"No, the appointment is for my the little one." Tonya's sister managed to croak, looking down at her own feet and wondering what was wrong with them.
Background: I was told by Tomas that he and his new wife went out to dinner with his best friend and his wife. The evening started somewhat tense, Tomas told me, as it seemed the couple were not on the best of terms over the fact that the husband had spent the day with his friends at a sports pub watching the World Cup, leaving the wife home by herself. She didn't understand why he couldn't have stayed home and watched it on the telly with her. So during dinner, this subject finally came to light after Tomas unwittingly asked his friend if he had watched England's defeat in the Cup.
The laugh: The discussion got out of hand to the point where the man's wife turned to her husband and said, "You should go home with Tomas. I will take Katie home with me. It will work out even better this way."
Background: Tonya's mother, the Dragon Lady, was invited to a family barbecue back in New Jersey. Dragon had been busy helping one of her sons move, and she had forgotten about the barbecue. Now, Dragon be a hefty woman, and no one has dared call her fat until . . .
The laugh: Dragon's sister rang her up and asked her this: "We need to know if you're coming so we know how much food to get." To which the Dragon took that as her sister implying she be a fatso.
Background: The school where Tonya teaches has a year-end tradition of taking the graduating kindergartners to a local historical museum. As in past years, there are three parental volunteers who go with Tonya and her assistant to watch over the kiddos. This year, a woman volunteered who had never been on a class trip with wee ones. She was overwhelmed with the way they would wander off with her running to catch them back, and well, she was, for all intents and purposes, rather frazzled mid-tour. She had a group of six or seven to watch over, and I know it isn't easy watching over them all when they are all going in different directions.
At one point, the children in her group entered a room where a table, made from a historic oak that had fallen in the early 1800s, was located. The selectmen of the time decided to have a table made from a single solid piece. Since it was locally referred to as the Lion Tree because its leafy branches resembled a lion's mane when in full leaf, the local woodworker hand-carved a lion's face on the top. The sides were the deep, chiselled grooves that formed the mane on all four sides, with lion paws for the table feet. It has been a treasure to the little town, so you can imagine how protective the historical society is about it.
The laugh: Upon seeing the table, the children all ran up to it and were told to not touch it, just look and then move on. Well, our new parent had got into a conversation with another parent, the other parent talking to the newbie while directing kiddie traffic on the other side of the room, so neither woman was looking at where the table stood. Well, our newbie had a bright neon blue marker pen that she had used to mark off the names of her group, and this pen was sticking out of her purse. Her own little darling snatched it without her knowing or either parent seeing or realising, and off he went to the lion table, where the budding artist drew bright blue lines in the grooves of the lion's mane. Yes, the little darling had made his way from one side and was halfway into the grooves on another when his mother saw him.
Well, the priceless relic was ruined, ruined I say, R. Linda, a wreck it was. No one appreciated the new artwork; no one thought it an improvement, and tears were shed by two of the museum employees and many more by the entire historical society. I tell ya! Well, the price tag is estimated to be in the thousand-dollar range to "try" to restore it. Cleaning chemicals won't work, so each groove (and there are many) must be individually hand-sanded. Yup, Mrs. Parent won't be volunteering anymore, you can be certain. As for the wee one, he didn't realise what masterpiece he was defacing, but I did hear he be grounded from Sesame Street until he reaches the age of 12. By that time, he won't care, but let that be a lesson to him!
Background: I had been clipping hedges, digging holes for garden posts, so it wasn't any wonder me upper arms were hurting. I had a hard time sleeping for three nights as a result of labour I wasn't used to doing. It got so bad I was rubbing me arms and complaining to me Mam over breakfast how sore I was.
The laugh: "Could be yer haz got yersel rickets dare sonny buy." Says she.
"Rickets? What the heck are rickets?" I asked, having notta clue but not liking the sound of the word. It brought to mind crickets settled under me skin and eating me joints. Luckily, Tonya was there to explain the childhood disease, but if she hadn't, me Mam's words would have had me in a state of angst and worry until someone clued me in. I tell ya the woman! Rickets indeed.
And now onto you, me Muse.
Background: Recovering from an illness, you decided the best thing to do to get back on your hobbit feet was to take a walk in the park. Yes, sounds good to me! You enlisted your daughter to walk with you, with her at your side, a walker in front, an oxygen tank bringing up the rear, and your daughter's friend carrying it behind you. All set for a walk on a sunny day, nothing like a bit of exercise, right?
The laugh: You were doing just fine enjoying the scenery (or maybe not), in the company of your two amigos, that is, until the sky suddenly clouded over. There you were, slowly making your way, your daughter chatting as you went, all was right with the world except for that dark cloud. As you were halfway around the park headed toward the parking lot, that rumble of thunder made you all take pause, but nah, nothing to worry about, Colorado weather was like New Hampshire, it changed on a dime and a dime you did not think to bring BECAUSE, suddenly on the backstretch, the heavens opened up. Rain would have been one thing, but you weren't expecting the hail bullets that let loose from the sky and pelted that slow walker tour of the park into hyper motion. I tell ya!
There you were, in a light tee shirt, as hard rain hit with golf ball-size hail, the winds fierce. . . I'd say you were all soaked within seconds and freezing as well! In the confusion, your daughter's friend throws his baseball cap on your head not to protect your noggin, but more to prevent the purple in your hair from dripping down your startled face. Your companions saw the overpass ahead and thought that would be a great place to shelter, but you said NO. Who says that? The two concerned caretakers tried to cover you, who had been wearing shorts, and all it accomplished was that three people were soaked and frozen. Add to this sorry story, the car was in the second lot and far, far away. Oh, what to do? Luckily, someone of you flagged down a man in a truck who let you all in, including the walker and the tank. You were probably too focused on whether your butt was getting his seat wet, but hey he brought you to the lot. I tell ya, Muse, sometimes . . .
But that's ok, I'm not finished yet.
Background: Me stupid cousin was offered two chairs for his camper by an old man down the road. The chairs are nice, with Windsor arms, and probably worth a small bit.
The laugh: But what does me cousin do? Instead of unloading the chairs, he keeps one on his front seat and the other in the hatchback. Why? Because when he goes to the sandpit (local drinking spot), he can whip out the chairs and sit out there with his best bud and throw back a few cold ones. I won't tell you what I think of this because you already know.
But wait, it isn't over. Here is one more.
Background: Sean has found himself a girlfriend of sorts. Poor dear has no brain in her small head. No, she's a swamp Yankee with a sixth-grade education, and she waits tables at the local pancake establishment. She calls billionaire magnets 'maggots' because she doesn't know any better. A pumpkin is a punkin, and antiques are Auntie Q's. Yup, you see the problem? One cannot have a decent or deep conversation with this lovely person.
The laugh: So the other day at me house we had a terrific downpour and puddles were dotting the dirt road. I go out to see if we lost any trees, and I come upon Stacy (yes, that's her) on her belly, swimming (well, you couldn't swim in that small amount of water, but she was), in a mud puddle. I asked her what she was doing in St. Brigid's world, and she told me she was "experiencin' watah moly ques". Yup, water molecules - something she overheard me eldest boyo, talking about in a science experiment. Nuff said, I be done now.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
ROFLMAO you haven't seen my hair in awhile. Its blue and silver. On hail day, matted blue and sil erected. You have quite a zoo I mean family around you
ReplyDeleteYes, yes I do.
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