21 June 2017
Story #867
R. Linda:
Besides the fact that I think I run a hotel (think about that), me own immediate family, me Mam living with us, and me cousin Sean making no move to find a place of his own OR A JOB! I now have Dragon up for what looks like the summer! I want to know what is so wonderful about the New Hampshire woods when one lives on the Jersey shore in a big house with an ocean breeze blowing all the time?
It was midsummer, and not even a fairy was in sight because the witch was here. I know I sound unkind, but it isn't without merit when you think about who landed on her broomstick. I say what I do. Just last night, she mistook one kind of food for another! You know she can't see a bloody thing!
Tonya had rung me to let me know she was going to be late and since Mam had conveniently taken herself out of the house (so she didn't have to put up with the Dragon), it was left to me (since I was on me way home) to make a simple dinner for the kiddos.
"I think there are hot dogs in the fridge, but I'm not sure if there are enough. Call my mom and ask her, and if you need to, just pick another pack up. There are plenty of rolls," Tonya said.
"Oh, you call her for me, please," I begged.
"Can't. I'm late, bye." She hung up on me.
For joy! It took me 20 minutes to get the nerve to call the wicked witch and ask her to check out the hot dog situation, WHICH she found repugnant.
"Yes, Gabriel, there is a full package of hot dogs." She informed me as if it were an imposition.
When I got home, I turned on the grill, went to change and got everything I needed, the last being the hot dogs. This is what I got:
What she saw was this:
I tell ya the woman is something. I had to put everything back, turn off the grill, go back out, and drive the long drive to the grocery store, all because of her poor eyesight! Gees the woman!
By the time I got back, both Tonya and Mam were home. Mam had cooked up some kind of Irish casserole out of odds and ends she found in the fridge. The meal was better than hot dogs, but still, I had to drive 45 minutes to the market and 45 minutes back! I had little to say.
This morning, the Dragon did her usual regaling me with the news for the day. Now, remember, first thing in the morning, I am not with it. I can hardly function until I've had at least two cups of joe, so when I am sitting there listening to the Dragon News Anchor Woman, I get a little disturbed.
Take, for example, these gems shouted at me as I tried to enjoy me coffee.
"'Brussels station suspect had mail bombs.' My goodness, he must have stolen mail and made bombs out of them?" She didn't stop there. "'Saudi king outs nephew for son,' oh my." She wasn't finished. "'Republicans jitterbug about health care.' Hum." Yeah, hum indeed. "'Valedictorian's mic cut off after he bashes stool.'" WHAT? Okay, stop! I wanted to shout, but no, she went on. "'Chelsea Clinton slaps Bannon for fat-sharing.'" PLEASE STOP! "'Oscar legend Daniel Day-Lewis retreating from acting.' Ooh, I wonder what happened? Who's after him?" And finally, "'Trump votes love the shave.' Well, he does shave every day, doesn't he? So what's the deal with loving to shave?"
I wanted to throw up my hands and say yes, everything you just read makes perfect sense. But I didn't, I did what I usually do, which is, "Here give me that newspaper." I read all the headlines to her as they should be read, but she was too focused on a valedictorian beating up a stool. Asked me what kind of stool he beat on? Was it a milking stool, a step stool or a stool? I tell ya! That I have an ounce of sanity is nothing more than a miracle. And me Mam, all she can do is sit there sipping her morning tea saying, "Oh dear, oh dear." Go ahead, laugh. It's not funny when you are subject to this EVERY morning, and I am not a morning person!
I was thinking I needed a vacation from family. I should do it, yes, R. Linda, I could fly to Colorado and hunt snakes in your yard, OR I could fly to Scotland and pull up all the Weasil's prize rosebushes, OR get a pair of hedge clippers and go give Dewdropper a haircut! OR maybe, just maybe I should join the pirates' life with Captain Jaack and drink meself into a stupor! Or, I could go find the guy with the good hair and watch him swing it out of his face all day. I dunno, there has to be something else besides concierge of Hotel O'Sully and personal waiter to a Dragon Lady, or matchmaker to a lazy cousin, ughhhhhhhh!
As me sainted little grey-haired apple-cheeked Mam says, "OH DEAR!"
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
Story #867
R. Linda:
Besides the fact that I think I run a hotel (think about that), me own immediate family, me Mam living with us, and me cousin Sean making no move to find a place of his own OR A JOB! I now have Dragon up for what looks like the summer! I want to know what is so wonderful about the New Hampshire woods when one lives on the Jersey shore in a big house with an ocean breeze blowing all the time?
It was midsummer, and not even a fairy was in sight because the witch was here. I know I sound unkind, but it isn't without merit when you think about who landed on her broomstick. I say what I do. Just last night, she mistook one kind of food for another! You know she can't see a bloody thing!
Tonya had rung me to let me know she was going to be late and since Mam had conveniently taken herself out of the house (so she didn't have to put up with the Dragon), it was left to me (since I was on me way home) to make a simple dinner for the kiddos.
"I think there are hot dogs in the fridge, but I'm not sure if there are enough. Call my mom and ask her, and if you need to, just pick another pack up. There are plenty of rolls," Tonya said.
"Oh, you call her for me, please," I begged.
"Can't. I'm late, bye." She hung up on me.
For joy! It took me 20 minutes to get the nerve to call the wicked witch and ask her to check out the hot dog situation, WHICH she found repugnant.
"Yes, Gabriel, there is a full package of hot dogs." She informed me as if it were an imposition.
When I got home, I turned on the grill, went to change and got everything I needed, the last being the hot dogs. This is what I got:
 |
| "Yes, Gabriel, there is a full package. . ." Right |
 |
| Yee-ah, a full package of cherry tomatoes! |
I tell ya the woman is something. I had to put everything back, turn off the grill, go back out, and drive the long drive to the grocery store, all because of her poor eyesight! Gees the woman!
By the time I got back, both Tonya and Mam were home. Mam had cooked up some kind of Irish casserole out of odds and ends she found in the fridge. The meal was better than hot dogs, but still, I had to drive 45 minutes to the market and 45 minutes back! I had little to say.
This morning, the Dragon did her usual regaling me with the news for the day. Now, remember, first thing in the morning, I am not with it. I can hardly function until I've had at least two cups of joe, so when I am sitting there listening to the Dragon News Anchor Woman, I get a little disturbed.
Take, for example, these gems shouted at me as I tried to enjoy me coffee.
"'Brussels station suspect had mail bombs.' My goodness, he must have stolen mail and made bombs out of them?" She didn't stop there. "'Saudi king outs nephew for son,' oh my." She wasn't finished. "'Republicans jitterbug about health care.' Hum." Yeah, hum indeed. "'Valedictorian's mic cut off after he bashes stool.'" WHAT? Okay, stop! I wanted to shout, but no, she went on. "'Chelsea Clinton slaps Bannon for fat-sharing.'" PLEASE STOP! "'Oscar legend Daniel Day-Lewis retreating from acting.' Ooh, I wonder what happened? Who's after him?" And finally, "'Trump votes love the shave.' Well, he does shave every day, doesn't he? So what's the deal with loving to shave?"
I wanted to throw up my hands and say yes, everything you just read makes perfect sense. But I didn't, I did what I usually do, which is, "Here give me that newspaper." I read all the headlines to her as they should be read, but she was too focused on a valedictorian beating up a stool. Asked me what kind of stool he beat on? Was it a milking stool, a step stool or a stool? I tell ya! That I have an ounce of sanity is nothing more than a miracle. And me Mam, all she can do is sit there sipping her morning tea saying, "Oh dear, oh dear." Go ahead, laugh. It's not funny when you are subject to this EVERY morning, and I am not a morning person!
I was thinking I needed a vacation from family. I should do it, yes, R. Linda, I could fly to Colorado and hunt snakes in your yard, OR I could fly to Scotland and pull up all the Weasil's prize rosebushes, OR get a pair of hedge clippers and go give Dewdropper a haircut! OR maybe, just maybe I should join the pirates' life with Captain Jaack and drink meself into a stupor! Or, I could go find the guy with the good hair and watch him swing it out of his face all day. I dunno, there has to be something else besides concierge of Hotel O'Sully and personal waiter to a Dragon Lady, or matchmaker to a lazy cousin, ughhhhhhhh!
As me sainted little grey-haired apple-cheeked Mam says, "OH DEAR!"
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
ROFLMAO nothing to say! I wouldn't want to be you!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah! Don't come here ! Dragons follow you!
ReplyDeleteYou're safe I wouldn't dream of it.
DeleteDon't like the heat?
DeleteDon't like the snakes!
DeleteWHAT DMAKES???! Did I miss the memo? I live near the downtown atea, no snakes
DeleteOh liar liar pants on fire you told me how when the grass gets long you heave snakes out of it flinging them across the street.
DeleteWhat a typo! Dwaykes? I used to live farther away, close to the foothills! Snakes, yes, lots of them here? Nope
DeleteDmakes and Dwaykes wow 2 kinds of Colorado snakes! I bet they both bite.
DeleteBig fat corn snakes and tons of garter snakes. I'll send you some!
DeleteTimber rattlers coming your way
Deleteaw you are very welcome here, we won't serve hot dogs but a gourmet dinner if you come up. we can hide you in the canadian woods real well. she'll never find you.
ReplyDeleteThank you I understand your husband is a chef. You must all eat well.
Deletehe sure is and you will eat well if you come up to our neck of the woods
DeleteHedge clippers? You'll have me ears off you will. Oi. All I know is the way I run out of things at the last minute, to have to drive 45 mins to the shop would do me in. I don't know how you do it!
ReplyDeleteSo that is why you have so much hair it hides your ears that stick out?LOL
DeleteDamn. My secret is out!
ReplyDeleteDew has been outed!
Delete