26 February 2016
Story #800
R. Linda:
Last weekend, Mam thought it would be nice to visit a new business that a friend of Tonya's set up. Now, Tonya never suggested this, but for some reason, Mam thought it a great idea to help the business along and, at the same time, score Ton some brownie points for being a good friend. She was hot to trot on this, and I can only think that because the snow was melting, it was 50 degrees outside, and she was feeling a need to get out and away from the Dragon (who was making Mam into her own personal nursemaid).
Seeing the problem, I agreed to go. Opening an antique shop was a unique venture, as New Hampshire is a haven for antique collectors. A month would not be enough to visit every antique shop in the State. There is even a map called the Antique Trail that one can follow all over the State if one is inclined.
I took Mam to the newly opened shop. As we walked in, there were cafe tables and a coffee maker with different kinds of coffee available. I suppose this is for the weary collector who needs a jolt of joe to wire his or her shopping experience. I wanted to wait there and drink meself into oblivion, but me old wan wouldn't hear of it.
We went to the book section first and meandered through all the mouldy and ancient tomes covered in dust. Most were books on art collections, porcelain, state papers, and other subjects I have no interest in. Every so often, Mam would shout at me, "Oh luuk Gabriel, here be a buuk on Catlick chorches!" OH BOY! Just want I'd want to read.
Another section over, and I found meself in the "old treasures" section, which was really the junk section. From behind the wall of books, I heard, "OOOH luuk Gabriel, here be a buuk on Nort Iron!" Yeah, well, being from there, I didn't need to read about that either.
Further into the junk section, I was intrigued by the selection of old riding boots. Who in their right mind would want some raggedy and muddy riding boots that were also bent at places that would take the skin off one's shins should they try to walk in them?
I was blasted out of that perplexity of thought by, "OOOH GABRIEL, ye should see dis here buuk, it be all about da twelt apostles and da las sooper."
Yee-ah. Time to get her out of the book section, where she was sneezing her fool head off from picking up the dusty tomes.
But she wasn't parting with a paperback book entitled HOW TO FIRE A CANNON. I did not ask.
We managed to complete a full tour of the entire store in 1 hour and 15 minutes. The only thing we had to show for it was the crazy paperback book. Mam had already announced who we were when we came into the store to the owner at the cash register, vowing to do him proud with a few "porchesess". So when we walked up to the register, Mam made another announcement, "I con't say I will win da prize fer mose expensive porchess of da day!" Oh, ha-ha, Mam.
I didn't know how bad it was until the man at the cash register said, "That will be one dollar."
OMG OMG OMG!!!
Could she not have found the cheapest book in the store? I tell ya. But that wasn't the worst of it.
"Do ye want dat in change?" She grins.
I wanted to crawl out the door, but the good-natured owner said he preferred a bill. However, if she wanted to count her pennies, that was good, too. Oi!
She slapped a dollar bill on the counter with a huge smile, and he laughed. I wasn't laughing.
"Do you want a receipt?" Asked, he only made it worse.
"Why fer sure," she had the nerve to answer. I could stand it no more and started to walk out like I wasn't with her, but no, she called me back to carry her "porches", which embarrassed me to the core because I had bought nothing.
At dinner that night, she regaled Tonya with how she had done her friend a good turn and even bought a book. Tonya was all polite and somewhat charmed. I shook my head at her, silently indicating for her not to be charmed. Like Lady Edith of Downton Abbey, Mam went on a glowing tribute to herself, but all was squashed when our resident Lady Mary (Dragon) piped up and said to Tonya, "Before you get all carried away, Dear, know she did spend over an hour in your friends shop, and she did buy herself a book. Yes, a lovely book on firing cannons and the best part is, it only costs a dollar."
Smiling smugly, the Dragon returned to her meal while Mam looked with chagrin at her.
"Oh, that was so good of you," Tonya addressed Mam. "I wouldn't have bought anything. We no longer have that kind of house. Antiques would look so out of place here. And what an interesting subject, cannons. There is that old makeshift cannon the boys have, you know, the one that faces the guest room? I wonder if your book would tell you how to fix it to really work."
No one said a word. That was that -- Lady Grantham had spoken, and we got the gist of it. Yes, Dragon has ensconced herself in the guest room where the so-called cannon faces it on the other side of the wall.
I did notice a sneer cross Mam's face as she looked at a somewhat surprised Dragon and muttered, "I wonder . . ." Oh, ladies, ladies, ladies!
Gabe
Copyright © 2016 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Last weekend, Mam thought it would be nice to visit a new business that a friend of Tonya's set up. Now, Tonya never suggested this, but for some reason, Mam thought it a great idea to help the business along and, at the same time, score Ton some brownie points for being a good friend. She was hot to trot on this, and I can only think that because the snow was melting, it was 50 degrees outside, and she was feeling a need to get out and away from the Dragon (who was making Mam into her own personal nursemaid).
Seeing the problem, I agreed to go. Opening an antique shop was a unique venture, as New Hampshire is a haven for antique collectors. A month would not be enough to visit every antique shop in the State. There is even a map called the Antique Trail that one can follow all over the State if one is inclined.
I took Mam to the newly opened shop. As we walked in, there were cafe tables and a coffee maker with different kinds of coffee available. I suppose this is for the weary collector who needs a jolt of joe to wire his or her shopping experience. I wanted to wait there and drink meself into oblivion, but me old wan wouldn't hear of it.
We went to the book section first and meandered through all the mouldy and ancient tomes covered in dust. Most were books on art collections, porcelain, state papers, and other subjects I have no interest in. Every so often, Mam would shout at me, "Oh luuk Gabriel, here be a buuk on Catlick chorches!" OH BOY! Just want I'd want to read.
Another section over, and I found meself in the "old treasures" section, which was really the junk section. From behind the wall of books, I heard, "OOOH luuk Gabriel, here be a buuk on Nort Iron!" Yeah, well, being from there, I didn't need to read about that either.
Further into the junk section, I was intrigued by the selection of old riding boots. Who in their right mind would want some raggedy and muddy riding boots that were also bent at places that would take the skin off one's shins should they try to walk in them?
I was blasted out of that perplexity of thought by, "OOOH GABRIEL, ye should see dis here buuk, it be all about da twelt apostles and da las sooper."
Yee-ah. Time to get her out of the book section, where she was sneezing her fool head off from picking up the dusty tomes.
But she wasn't parting with a paperback book entitled HOW TO FIRE A CANNON. I did not ask.
We managed to complete a full tour of the entire store in 1 hour and 15 minutes. The only thing we had to show for it was the crazy paperback book. Mam had already announced who we were when we came into the store to the owner at the cash register, vowing to do him proud with a few "porchesess". So when we walked up to the register, Mam made another announcement, "I con't say I will win da prize fer mose expensive porchess of da day!" Oh, ha-ha, Mam.
I didn't know how bad it was until the man at the cash register said, "That will be one dollar."
OMG OMG OMG!!!
Could she not have found the cheapest book in the store? I tell ya. But that wasn't the worst of it.
"Do ye want dat in change?" She grins.
I wanted to crawl out the door, but the good-natured owner said he preferred a bill. However, if she wanted to count her pennies, that was good, too. Oi!
She slapped a dollar bill on the counter with a huge smile, and he laughed. I wasn't laughing.
"Do you want a receipt?" Asked, he only made it worse.
"Why fer sure," she had the nerve to answer. I could stand it no more and started to walk out like I wasn't with her, but no, she called me back to carry her "porches", which embarrassed me to the core because I had bought nothing.
At dinner that night, she regaled Tonya with how she had done her friend a good turn and even bought a book. Tonya was all polite and somewhat charmed. I shook my head at her, silently indicating for her not to be charmed. Like Lady Edith of Downton Abbey, Mam went on a glowing tribute to herself, but all was squashed when our resident Lady Mary (Dragon) piped up and said to Tonya, "Before you get all carried away, Dear, know she did spend over an hour in your friends shop, and she did buy herself a book. Yes, a lovely book on firing cannons and the best part is, it only costs a dollar."
Smiling smugly, the Dragon returned to her meal while Mam looked with chagrin at her.
"Oh, that was so good of you," Tonya addressed Mam. "I wouldn't have bought anything. We no longer have that kind of house. Antiques would look so out of place here. And what an interesting subject, cannons. There is that old makeshift cannon the boys have, you know, the one that faces the guest room? I wonder if your book would tell you how to fix it to really work."
No one said a word. That was that -- Lady Grantham had spoken, and we got the gist of it. Yes, Dragon has ensconced herself in the guest room where the so-called cannon faces it on the other side of the wall.
I did notice a sneer cross Mam's face as she looked at a somewhat surprised Dragon and muttered, "I wonder . . ." Oh, ladies, ladies, ladies!
Gabe
Copyright © 2016 All rights reserved
oh my gosh a whole dollar! lmao
ReplyDeleteAre you sure your Mammy isn't a Scot? I have heard of frugal shopping but this was ridiculous. But you got to love her fortitude to do a good deed. LOL, outweighs everything else.
ReplyDeleteVery sure. Her heart was in the right place, but her pocketbook was at home LOL.
DeleteYour Mam is so cute :-)
DeleteI love antique stores, dust and all. I like finding old strange furniture pieces.
DeleteYou and she would get on a treat - you both like dusty old things but not dusty old men. Yup.
DeleteBeen there, done that, rather find furniture! LMAO
Delete