Zip Lining Can Be Fun -- NOT!

562

12 August, 2012

R. Linda:

I don't know what possessed me to do it. I don't know if it was the call out of my masculinity that seemed on the line (excuse the pun) OR if I harboured a secret desire to risk life and limb speeding down a wire in the wilderness with no parachute. Whatever it was, I did it and lived to tell about it. Yes, I did!

It all started on a gloomy Thursday. I had the day off; the boyos had gone to a two-day summer camp that caters to toddlers to first grade. It was just me and Tonya. The day was overcast, thunderstorms expected, but that had been every day, and so far for the week, none had materialised. We sat around sipping our morning coffee, me enjoying the quietude, thinking I could laze about all day, BUT Tonya had been fidgeting. When she started tapping her fingernails on the tabletop, I knew that was a sign she had an idea. And what an idea it was.

"Hey Gabe, we haven't been to Hidden River. We have the day off with the kids, so why don't we head up there?"

"What's in Hidden River? Oh, is that the place you go mineral hunting?" I said, slightly distracted by the newspaper.

"I think so. I don't know, but they have hiking trails and stuff like that. We should go." And she got up and started to get ready. I sat there, paper in hand, amazed. Seriously? She was serious about this . . . this day trip when we could just sit around and do nothing? Well, when me wife gets something into her head there is no stopping her, so I got up and got meself ready and off we went.

I did not know she had other ideas than hiking. Yup, I should have asked her more about this little adventure, but I really thought we'd be grabbing some sandwiches and drinks and taking a trail up a mountain. I did not object when she offered to drive, and by the time I knew something was up, we had pulled into the lot where it said:

                                      Zip Line   THIS WAY

Yup, and when she started off in that direction, I stood there thinking I was in serious trouble. I have a fear of heights I do. She knows this, and that's why when I am on an airplane I take the aisle seat always. I don't like climbing lighthouses to get to the top to look at the scenery, it makes me nauseous. I know girlie stuff, but it might have to do with the fact that when I was no more than four years old, me three years older sissy pushed me on the swings at the playground so high the chain broke, and I was airborne for a few seconds before the ground came rushing up to meet me face, and I came to a resounding crash. So for me to voluntarily go zip lining . . . uh, no.

I caught up to herself and asked her if my surmising we were zip lining was true and she said, "Gabe, you need to face your fears, and I can't think of a more fun way to do that."

Fun? I could think of several other ways like I would rather hike up to the top of a low hill and look around than do what she suggested. Zip lining is not my idea of a good FUN, SAFE time. No indeed.

She kept on walking, me catching up every so often as I thought about this. I told her she could go and I'd meet her at the end of it, but she insisted I go on up and take a look. If it seemed too "hard for my big bad husband," we'd give it up and take the trails instead. Well, okay, she had insulted me with the big bad husband thing, and she continued to say stuff like that all the way up to the zip line place. By that time, I was totally insulted and felt the need to prove meself not being a wimp of the first calibre.

Before you get to the platform, you go up this planking, which forms a sort of bridge that at first looks like a slight incline up, and it doesn't look too precarious until you come out of the treetops onto the platform -- wayyy up in the trees -- like 80 feet off the ground! I had no problem traversing the first part of the bridge. I had a railing to hold onto, but when I saw the open part between trees and the platform I took pause, I did. You can't help but look down!

"You did the rope bridge in Northern Ireland; this is nothing compared to that," Tonya said as I looked down, rethinking this venture.

Well, true enough, but still. She gave me a slight push, and I tentatively made my way across, determined to man it up.

I did a mean job of talking meself into this zip-lining the 220 feet (Tonya said, but I think it was more like 1200 feet) over a deep ravine into thin air. It was only when I got to the platform that me brain fully awakened from the muttering it was doing about masculinity, and caused me consciousness to kick back in, too late to notice I was pretty high off the ground. But the fact I just paid an exorbitant amount of money for this non-pleasure also kicked in at the same time. I was standing there petrified and angry all at once. The anger was taking over for me to go ahead and do this foolish thing, get it over with, prove you're a man, and if I kill meself in the process, so be it! Then Tonya can say her husband died a brave man or something like that. Sigh.

Getting instructions before the BIG plunge BACKWARDS!

I was looking at the tree trunk, not looking down, because to look up, it looked like I was at the bottom of the tree, and it didn't look too high to the sky. The idea I was halfway up a tree hadn't hit me at the time, so no big deal. I was asked if I wanted to Superman it, which is facing front and leaping off into space. or would I prefer to do the backward leap? Since it did finally hit me, I was as high as if I was on a tall building, the last thing I was going to do was face the ground, so I opted for the second, the leap which entails leaning backwards and pushing off from the platform. Now that I think about that, OI, OI, OI!

 

Taking the leaping plunge!

I tried to blank my mind, but as I took the leap backwards, I started going DOWN, straight DOWN. I wasn't zipping backwards; I was going DOWN, I TELL YA! No doubt about it, that slack line had me feeling more like I was bungy jumping than zip lining. Did I scream like a girl? No, I was too frightened to utter a sound!

 

Ah, see this? It proves me point -- DOWN!

I thought I would hit splat on the ground like a bungee cord gone bad. Then, as I got as low as I could get, I was zinged backwards at a dizzying speed and down a row of cleared trees in a ravine -- SIDEWAYS.

                                                                                     

Uh yeah -- you haven't lived until you do THIS!

I thought I must weigh a ton to be so low to the ground and just barely missed me face hitting the tree branches as I went whizzing by. But somehow, being so close to the ground eased my fears because of heights? What heights? It was the jumping off the ledge that was the bummer. This zipping along was fecking easy, I tell ya!

Meanwhile, up at the top, a certain Miss named Tonya was being harassed up. And she, too, the pansy, opted for the leap backwards. Yup, see this:

                                                                                

She almost looks like she's dangling below, but no, she's experiencing the drop —the same as me!

                                                                                   

Well, maybe she didn't drop as low, but she doesn't weigh that much.

                                                                                      

Supermaning it -- sort of

There were four platforms (I think. I was in too much of a brain freeze to concentrate), or maybe there were five, I dunno, anyway, as you zipped onto one, they got you ready for the next one. That meant you had to do it all over again FOUR OR FIVE MORE TIMES! The good thing, and the only good thing, was that the wires weren't as low to the ground the closer to the end you got. So Tonya decided to go face first on the third and fourth levels. Her form was a lot better than mine.

That was, until she saw this:

                               

She started screaming as soon as she read it

The surprise (besides surviving the experience) was there was a photographer in one of the trees taking your stupid arse picture as you traversed the line looking frightened to death! They were not attractive shots, so I declined to put those in. Thus, these are telling photos!

Once we had conquered my fear of high places, I suggested we get something to eat, but what I really wanted was a good stiff drink! I was exhilarated, though. Don't get me wrong, I had LIVED TO TELL THE TALE, and that was the best news to me numbed brain as I could deliver! So, under the guise of celebrating, it was really me bracing meself for me conscious mind to return and remind me that I actually did that foolhardy, suicidal thing called zip lining. We drove back towards our abode because we had been out in the wilderness, and there was no eating establishment on the highway back that appealed to Ms. Tonya. I pulled into me fav Mexican restaurant, Shorty's Grill, when we got to Bedford and ran into a couple we knew, both lawyers. They were there for dinner, so we decided we'd make it a foursome and tell of our harrowing day on the zip line, but first off, I ordered one of these:

I thought this Bargarita looked festive enough to hide the real reason I had ordered it, and it soon turned into this:

We told our friends of our or, more accurately, my experience of leaping off into space without the benefit of a parachute, with a forest of trees and rocks below, as if I was some adventurous, risk-taking fool. Oh yeah, sounded very macho UNTIL Tonya told them about my fear of heights. Well, they still seemed impressed that yours truly would take "the plunge", even if it meant his will wasn't made out yet. But that was okay. Tonya would inherit everything anyway. Hum, was she trying to give me an early demise? I hadn't thought of any of THAT.

I had another Bargarita, and that helped numb the brain talk that was chattering on inside me head. Inside, it was screaming things like, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT TO US! WHAT THE FECK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH OR WHAT? DID YOU SEE THAT BRANCH THAT ALMOST DECAPITATED US? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT JUMP OUT OF AN AIRPLANE? 

Yup, and THAT will still be inside me brain as the cold chill runs up me back of what could have happened. I take things after the fact too negatively, as if I haven't done them yet. I know I have to stop this and take a deep breath and be happy I be still walking the hard earth. Oi!

Gabe
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