05 July 2012
546
R. Linda:
First UH DUH moment:
So last week I could not understand why I was so tired at work. Seems today I found out why. The coffee I was drinking was from the K-cup machine because the regular coffee maker was broken. I had seen the Dunkin' Donut K-Cups in the rack and for some reason, I thought it said Donut House Coffee on the cup, but no, it says DECAF. First thing in the morning I be not exactly with it, and I don't read things. Thus, the thinking of one thing and finding out another. I had been living on decaf coffee all week. I was complaining that the coffee didn't taste good and that I couldn't seem to wake up, now I know why. Took me a week to realise what was wrong. UH DUH.
Second UH DUH moment:
Me Mam wrote me to tell me her husband (my da) had turned into a teenager at the ripe old age of 67 and she wanted a stop put to him. I asked her what he was doing and she said, that since he suffered a scare where he thought he'd had a stroke, he's now decided to live life to the fullest which means he's trying to recapture his youth and worse, their marriage when they were in their 30s (which he thinks was the best of times). "I be too old fer dis foolishness and I told em' but he just laughs." She explained, "Everywhere I go now I be followed by him and there he be leering at me and saying he's feeling lucky. I'd like to lucky him right out the door!"
I was like OH MY. TOO MUCH INFORMATION MA. Uh duh!
Third UH DUH moment:
I was asked by some of me mates at work to fill in for a tag football championship game they were having after work. I didn't want to do that, I didn't know enough about the game, I had never played it before and it was a CHAMPIONSHIP! I felt I'm too old to be in with the 20-something crowd, but what the heck, they talked me into it so I did . . . reluctantly. I studied the rules of the game so I felt quite confident I'd know what I was doing, BUT physically I knew I'd probably be a wreck and I am as a result. Tore up me knees, me ankles, me ribs, oi! Anyway, I got out there and surprise to me, I was doing quite well so they kept me in the game. At the last of the game where we were tied, I caught the pass and pulled away from the five opposing players around me and was well on me way to a touchdown when what should happen 15 feet from the goal? I fell over me own two big feet! Yup, I did. I could not believe it, nor could anyone else. I haven't heard the end of it, BECAUSE WE LOST. Me feet are mocked every time I see one me teammates. I blamed it on the decaf coffee. UH DUH!
Fourth UH DUH moment:
Fifth UH DUH moment:
I was invited to a cookout at a neighbour's for the 4th of July. It was mostly their family and relatives, but it was a good time until we went to fill our plates. I stopped at the Brussels sprouts. I just couldn't do it. I never liked them as a kid and I certainly don't like them as an adult. So I sat down and I noticed EVERYONE had the Brussels sprouts but me. They all looked at me plate, so I sighed and got up and went and got ONE sprout. I sat back down and they were all happy. UNTIL we were finished and our hostess said, "No dessert until Gabe eats his Brussels sprouts." I felt like I was back home and 5 years old! Everyone stopped talking and looked from me to the sprout and back like WELL? You don't know the aversion I have to that veggie, so I cut it in half, yes I did, and took a wee nibble. It was crisp, had been grilled, and wasn't too bad, so I finished the half. "Gabe, you don't like my cooking," me hostess said, her lip sticking out in a mock pout, and everyone mocked a gasp just to make me feel bad. I sighed and ate the other half but I got to tell ya, I STILL don't like Brussels sprouts! But talk about awkward moments, I tried to smile and joke but inside I was dying, it took all I had in me to swallow that thing. YUCK! So when it was time to leave, me hostess handed me a Tupperware container and told me to take it home and enjoy it. I thought it was some of her homemade whoopee pies, so I thanked her profusely, but when I got home looking for a sweet snack, you know what was inside the container.
WHAT BE WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Uh duh!
Sixth UH DUH moment:
Batman opens on Saturday. There are those of us who are waiting anxiously for this flick and there are those of us, who have got our tickets beforehand because we are Batman addicts. There are two of us, me and me friend Russell who lives up behind me who are dancing around like fools at the thought of a new Batman flick. Our respective wives aren't interested, so Russell and I have a date. Yes, a man date. Me wife even said she'd make us bat capes so we can go in style. Okay, that's going too far. But if she wants to buy a DeLorean and paint it black we have no objections. UH DUH!
Seventh UH DUH moment:
The Batman episode brought back a memory of mine when I was dating Tonya and living in Boston. There were a bunch of us from the flat we all lived in who decided to go on up to Portsmouth, New Hampshire to see the Rocky Horror Show. We could all dress up (that was the idea) but you could not dress up like one of the main characters because the show's director didn't want anyone in the audience taking away from the actors on stage. So we were a general mishmash of weird goth goth-looking characters. But there was one of us, Traynor, a gay man who said he'd be late and would meet us up there. Well, there we stood with the rest of the crazy-looking crowd waiting to get in when we heard the click-clack of high heels coming up the sidewalk, and who do we see but Dr. Frank-N-Furter, fishnets, curly hair, eye makeup, the whole Tim Curry, who we thought it really was. This person came straight up to us and said in that rather purry Frank-N-Furter voice, "Hi boys, sorry I'm late." And we suspected it was Traynor under the glam but the people around us thought it was TIM CURRY! The crowd pushed around us and nearly smothered the man, all of them thinking he was the real deal. Well, word spread and the producer and director of the show somehow made their way to Traynor and the anger they had for someone disrespecting their instructions turned to genuine awe that he looked so much like the lead character. Their seeming awe of Traynor in drag had convinced the people out of earshot that IT WAS Tim Curry and the word spread like wildfire. Well, as you can imagine things got a little out of control and the police were called because of the mobbing of Tim Curry! Traynor got in for free and ended up being asked to act in the play, but he refused. "Don't have the time sweeties," but he was quite the sensation! They did manage to get him up on stage to say a few words in that VOICE and he did and it further convinced the crowd he was the real deal. We, his flatmates sat there totally aghast at how easily people seemed to be fooled. We didn't know what to make of it all quite frankly. A man in drag, fishnets, false eyelashes and a wee silver and gold corset teddy who looked and sounded like Tim Curry and Bob's your uncle instant celebrity! And a lot of the people who were there that night swear it was Tim Curry! Who knew Traynor had these hidden talents? Who knew a gay man dressed like that could walk down the streets of Portsmouth with people WANTING to befriend him! "Sad it takes me to look like someone famous to be liked," he sighed. Indeed. UH DUH!
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
First UH DUH moment:
So last week I could not understand why I was so tired at work. Seems today I found out why. The coffee I was drinking was from the K-cup machine because the regular coffee maker was broken. I had seen the Dunkin' Donut K-Cups in the rack and for some reason, I thought it said Donut House Coffee on the cup, but no, it says DECAF. First thing in the morning I be not exactly with it, and I don't read things. Thus, the thinking of one thing and finding out another. I had been living on decaf coffee all week. I was complaining that the coffee didn't taste good and that I couldn't seem to wake up, now I know why. Took me a week to realise what was wrong. UH DUH.
Second UH DUH moment:
Me Mam wrote me to tell me her husband (my da) had turned into a teenager at the ripe old age of 67 and she wanted a stop put to him. I asked her what he was doing and she said, that since he suffered a scare where he thought he'd had a stroke, he's now decided to live life to the fullest which means he's trying to recapture his youth and worse, their marriage when they were in their 30s (which he thinks was the best of times). "I be too old fer dis foolishness and I told em' but he just laughs." She explained, "Everywhere I go now I be followed by him and there he be leering at me and saying he's feeling lucky. I'd like to lucky him right out the door!"
I was like OH MY. TOO MUCH INFORMATION MA. Uh duh!
Third UH DUH moment:
I was asked by some of me mates at work to fill in for a tag football championship game they were having after work. I didn't want to do that, I didn't know enough about the game, I had never played it before and it was a CHAMPIONSHIP! I felt I'm too old to be in with the 20-something crowd, but what the heck, they talked me into it so I did . . . reluctantly. I studied the rules of the game so I felt quite confident I'd know what I was doing, BUT physically I knew I'd probably be a wreck and I am as a result. Tore up me knees, me ankles, me ribs, oi! Anyway, I got out there and surprise to me, I was doing quite well so they kept me in the game. At the last of the game where we were tied, I caught the pass and pulled away from the five opposing players around me and was well on me way to a touchdown when what should happen 15 feet from the goal? I fell over me own two big feet! Yup, I did. I could not believe it, nor could anyone else. I haven't heard the end of it, BECAUSE WE LOST. Me feet are mocked every time I see one me teammates. I blamed it on the decaf coffee. UH DUH!
Fourth UH DUH moment:
I got a call from me da, who was telling me, me Mam got herself a Harry Potter Invisible Cloak and was wearing it over her head in the hopes he couldn't see her. "You gotta see dis Gabe, she comes floatin' by wit dis cloak over her and I'm only supposed to see da cuppa tea float in the air as she passes. I keep tellin' er' I can see her, but she tells me no I can't, I just think I can."
I was like OH MY GOD. THEY ARE BOTH CRAZY PEOPLE. Uh duh!
Fifth UH DUH moment:
I was invited to a cookout at a neighbour's for the 4th of July. It was mostly their family and relatives, but it was a good time until we went to fill our plates. I stopped at the Brussels sprouts. I just couldn't do it. I never liked them as a kid and I certainly don't like them as an adult. So I sat down and I noticed EVERYONE had the Brussels sprouts but me. They all looked at me plate, so I sighed and got up and went and got ONE sprout. I sat back down and they were all happy. UNTIL we were finished and our hostess said, "No dessert until Gabe eats his Brussels sprouts." I felt like I was back home and 5 years old! Everyone stopped talking and looked from me to the sprout and back like WELL? You don't know the aversion I have to that veggie, so I cut it in half, yes I did, and took a wee nibble. It was crisp, had been grilled, and wasn't too bad, so I finished the half. "Gabe, you don't like my cooking," me hostess said, her lip sticking out in a mock pout, and everyone mocked a gasp just to make me feel bad. I sighed and ate the other half but I got to tell ya, I STILL don't like Brussels sprouts! But talk about awkward moments, I tried to smile and joke but inside I was dying, it took all I had in me to swallow that thing. YUCK! So when it was time to leave, me hostess handed me a Tupperware container and told me to take it home and enjoy it. I thought it was some of her homemade whoopee pies, so I thanked her profusely, but when I got home looking for a sweet snack, you know what was inside the container.
WHAT BE WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Uh duh!
Sixth UH DUH moment:
Batman opens on Saturday. There are those of us who are waiting anxiously for this flick and there are those of us, who have got our tickets beforehand because we are Batman addicts. There are two of us, me and me friend Russell who lives up behind me who are dancing around like fools at the thought of a new Batman flick. Our respective wives aren't interested, so Russell and I have a date. Yes, a man date. Me wife even said she'd make us bat capes so we can go in style. Okay, that's going too far. But if she wants to buy a DeLorean and paint it black we have no objections. UH DUH!
Seventh UH DUH moment:
The Batman episode brought back a memory of mine when I was dating Tonya and living in Boston. There were a bunch of us from the flat we all lived in who decided to go on up to Portsmouth, New Hampshire to see the Rocky Horror Show. We could all dress up (that was the idea) but you could not dress up like one of the main characters because the show's director didn't want anyone in the audience taking away from the actors on stage. So we were a general mishmash of weird goth goth-looking characters. But there was one of us, Traynor, a gay man who said he'd be late and would meet us up there. Well, there we stood with the rest of the crazy-looking crowd waiting to get in when we heard the click-clack of high heels coming up the sidewalk, and who do we see but Dr. Frank-N-Furter, fishnets, curly hair, eye makeup, the whole Tim Curry, who we thought it really was. This person came straight up to us and said in that rather purry Frank-N-Furter voice, "Hi boys, sorry I'm late." And we suspected it was Traynor under the glam but the people around us thought it was TIM CURRY! The crowd pushed around us and nearly smothered the man, all of them thinking he was the real deal. Well, word spread and the producer and director of the show somehow made their way to Traynor and the anger they had for someone disrespecting their instructions turned to genuine awe that he looked so much like the lead character. Their seeming awe of Traynor in drag had convinced the people out of earshot that IT WAS Tim Curry and the word spread like wildfire. Well, as you can imagine things got a little out of control and the police were called because of the mobbing of Tim Curry! Traynor got in for free and ended up being asked to act in the play, but he refused. "Don't have the time sweeties," but he was quite the sensation! They did manage to get him up on stage to say a few words in that VOICE and he did and it further convinced the crowd he was the real deal. We, his flatmates sat there totally aghast at how easily people seemed to be fooled. We didn't know what to make of it all quite frankly. A man in drag, fishnets, false eyelashes and a wee silver and gold corset teddy who looked and sounded like Tim Curry and Bob's your uncle instant celebrity! And a lot of the people who were there that night swear it was Tim Curry! Who knew Traynor had these hidden talents? Who knew a gay man dressed like that could walk down the streets of Portsmouth with people WANTING to befriend him! "Sad it takes me to look like someone famous to be liked," he sighed. Indeed. UH DUH!
Gabe
Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved
1 comment:
i can picture the cloak floating across the room with the cup and your dad thinking your mom has lost it. lmao speaking of cups how could you not know you were drinking decaf? i'd hate to see what you're like in the morning probably bumping into things, eating the kids cereal and generally not all there lol
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