Heating The "House"

9 October 2010

313

R. Linda:

It was recently brought to my attention about a sad event that happened in London not too long ago. Before I go to it, let me tell you that in New Hampshire we have a wonderful program that if you are at the poverty level, all you need do is go sign up before the heating season, and by the cool weather, you will have your heating fuel provided so you get through the winter without freezing your dangly bits off. So, when it was brought to me attention that a sweet old lady in London was being ripped apart because she asked for assistance from the British government's anti-poverty fund to help heat her house, I was at first indignant. 

Until I found out it was none other than Queen Elizabeth. Yes, me dear R. Linda, AND the house she was heating was none other than that sweet little cottage with 775 rooms, Buckingham Palace!

Now before you get your knickers in a twist about this, let me finish it up by telling you the sad facts such as they are. The fund itself gives out monies to help those in need pay for new heating units, and insulation if needed, and in this way helping lower fuel costs. In 2004 a royal aide no less, wrote a very lovely letter to the ministers of the fund and asked if the leader of the country would be somehow eligible for a grant of . . . wait for it . . . $90 million. Mm hum!

The Queen's deputy treasurer went before the committee of ministers and appealed to them to help the old bird out since energy costs had risen by 50 per cent over the last year and heating the castle was costing the Queen a whopping $1.8 mil. Come on, she and her family need to be warm too! He also said that the annual stipend of $23 million that the government grants to pay for the maintenance of the Queen's castles was but a mere pittance of the $60 million she receives from the kingdom of serfs who call her Queen, in other words, the taxpayers and that this pittance is no longer large enough to maintain a warm and cosy palace for Queen, family, attendants, corgis, horses, you get the idea.

Well, really. The argument for the Queen fell on deaf ears apparently, she was told by a very apologetic Department of Culture - Media and Sport lackey the bad news. Why them I dunno. I guess no one else wanted to do it so close to the Tower (you know off with their heads, that sort of thing is still too recent in Brit minds to ignore the possibility). The poor man informed the palace that really the funding was set up for those POORER than the Queen. Oh my, I do wonder if that means Weasil's father could apply next I mean he has a castle, not as wonderful as the Queen's, so . . . nah. Said committee also added that such a favour would not go over big with the population. You think? He also apologetically added that he felt a bit queasy that the probable (more like guaranteed) press interest would be adverse, and was terribly sorry he couldn't do more. Exit lackey.

Well, all this came out somehow, someone told, gee I wonder who, and the press got hold of it. Forget she'd been turned down, poor old dear, and it was history, but not to the starving British press it wasn't. Oh, if they get a meaty bit they will gnaw it to the bone and keep at it until there be nothing left. So surprise surprise the subjects of the Queen heard about this. What do you think THEIR reaction was?

"Poor Elizabeth, all those rooms to heat and all those fireplaces, probably don't work, oh the poor dogs, the corgis we must do something. Cannot something be done?"

No, they didn't say that, instead those who want the monarchy ended, had a field day. They said Queenie was nervy, not caring about her own people, overindulged when people who had nothing needed her help, was a taker, a user, unappreciative of her wealth and who did she think she was? Let me think . . . the Queen maybe?

So here I be tonight, the frost be on the pumpkin as they say here, but I be sitting in me heated home in front of a lovely fire thinking how advantaged I am not to live in a drafty 775-room castle someplace, chilled to the bone, wishing I had a good modern heating system, or at the very least a green blankie. 

Gabe
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