22 February 2010
273
R. Linda:
To continue the torture, I went on to Turners Crossing. There, we were to stop at an ice cream and hot dog road stand and count the number of different ice cream flavours available. This time SHE got out of the car, I thought so she wouldn't be stared at inside it.
We were standing back from the six people who were eating ice cream or hot dogs and I was counting and she was ORDERING. I was like what the feck? Come on! She ordered herself LUNCH and had me hold her melting ice cream (since I wasn't doing "anything"), with instructions not to lick it. Heaven forbid I have germs. She sat herself down at a wooden table and proceeded to slowly eat while I, filled with indignation, stared at her. Then she looked over at me, ice cream in hand and said, "You didn't lick it did you?"
No -- would you like some lunch Charlie, I mean Gabriel? No, none of that. Oh I wanted to slowly move that cone upside down and let the ice cream fall to the ground with a big grin on me Charlie face, but I didn't. I sniffed instead.
"You know, time is a wasting." I said looking at the sky.
"Charles, with that thing we are riding in, do you really believe we have a chance?" She sniggered. "If we are stuck doing this bright idea of yours, we might as well enjoy it."
Enjoy it? Where was the joy? I was looking around for it as if it was a word that materialized and was running amok where I couldn't catch it. JOY? I'd like to show her the joy on me Charlie Charles face when I be pulling off in the car plow, licking on her ice cream cone without her arse in it. That would be JOY. But I didn't.
I know you think I was being a wuss and yes I was, but you don't have to live with the Dragon's daughter if you diss the mother, I do. And I could hear me Mam's voice in me head, "Now Gabriel, mind your elders, always be respectful no matter what." Yup, no matter what. Damn it Ma!
Finally, she threw the paper remains of her meal in the trash bin and came over to retrieve her cone which had dripped all down me hand to me arm and was dripping off me elbow. Cherry vanilla with what had been sprinkles on top. The sprinkles coated me arm like a skin disease and so with the exchange I went to the outside counter and got me a bunch of paper napkins, and just as I was about to use them to wipe the mess off, she comes over and takes them from me, telling me how thoughtful I was.
URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
She hopped in the car, ice cream all tided up, licking away at the cone, me after going back for more napkins, dabbing at the goo in a mood, got in and we took off. Then I had to go back because I hadn't got the number of ice cream flavours available, and neither had she because she was ordering lunch and I WAS the keeper of the answers according to her. SHE was along for the joy of it. Yup.
I got back out, counted quickly and got a "are you sure that's right dear?" Oh yeah old woman, I wanted to shout, that's right I be off to the next one and you to the HOME. Then I was reminded I hadn't stopped to find out where the "next one was." I jammed on the brakes in me fury, completely forgetting you don't do that with the car plow, and as she turned towards me to offer that up, and as the car plow came to a quicker stop than usual, I found myself wearing ice cream AGAIN. The ice cream had gone flying and hit me smack in the chin. I froze. She looked at me closely as if I was some peculiarity and she wasn't sure what I was. Then she started dabbing at HER blouse which had no ice cream on it, leaving me dripping, and engrossed in that activity she says, "Really Charlie, you need to take Drives Ed over again. Maybe they drive like that over in Ireland, but not here."
"Give me the napkins please," I said firmly.
"Oh do you need these, good thing you spoke up, I was about to throw them out." And she hands me the napkins with no effort to help.
I ask you, how much is a grown man to take?
After cleanup number two, I looked at the paper and saw I was to drive to Turners Alley for a "roadblock."
A roadblock is a task that only one team member may perform. Before heading into a roadblock, teams read a clue about the task. A team may determine the task by observing their surroundings, or if they see another team performing it. They must decide which team member would be best suited to complete it. Once a choice has been made, the teammates cannot change roles.
Oh goody.
Well, we got there, and were handed an envelope that asked the question: "Who likes to go to great heights?" Well, hell that's easy, the Dragon does, her head be in the clouds as it were, so I said, "That be you." And she laughed, but I said again, "Really, that's you."
She didn't laugh, she looked at me a little uncomfortably, so I drove on to the corner of the alley where there were other cars. Ahead of us were two other teams, one had just completed the task, the other team, one member was on the roof of the Turners Wheat and Rye Warehouse, the other member was in the alley looking up. There were long repel lines hanging from the building. I knew instantly what it was. Yes I did and I zipped me lips.
The Dragon was standing at me elbow looking up wondering what it was, and me, helpful as ever said, "I think it is lower a bucket of grain without spilling it."
"Oh, ok," and off inside she went to get to the roof. I ran to the car plow looking for me camera and yup it was in me glove box. I ran back and watched as the other team member climbed over the lip of the roof and started the long repel to the bottom. Oh this was too much a treat. By the time the Dragon made the roof the other guy would be long gone and she wouldn't have a clue.
I was about rolling on the ground laughing and I had a hard time to keep the bursts of mirth inside me, that the people standing there with me didn't wonder if I had lost me mind. But the whole idea of a harnessed up Dragon dangling in space was just too much. Me face was red with merriment. It got worse when I heard her voice carrying down to me, "You mean to tell me I have to climb down on a rope?"
I stood there thinking of the rope breaking from her weight, or the wind coming up and bashing her against the bricks, or her just free falling with a big splat to the ground. I had found the joy.
"Come on grandma, you can do it," I shouted up at her.
"You shut up down there, Charlie," she shouted down at me, but I heard her mutter, "Grandma, why I never."
I could hear her arguing and they telling her she would cause her team forfeit and such, so not wanting to be the subject of ridicule on how we lost the race because of her, she bucked up, got the harness on and the clown shoes they wanted her to wear, and looking down over the edge one last time, clambered (that is the only way to describe it) over the side and was dangling back and forth for a few minutes with eyes clamped shut and her knuckles very white holding the rope.
"Grandma, you ok up there?" I asked with a chuckle in me voice I couldn't contain.
"Do NOT grandma me Charlie! So help me, I get down there you are a dead man." She said eyes still clamped shut, swinging slightly in the breeze.
"Come on feel your inner pinata." I laughed watching her dangle.
How long she would have stayed up there in petrified fright I don't know, but her eyes opened and her brow furrowed at the sound of clicking below her. She looked down startled, and spied me clicking pictures and then threatened me within an inch of me life when she got down for taking pictures of her from an unflattering angle. With superhuman resolve she repelled in her anger at me like she knew what she was doing. And once down came after me camera clicking self like a banshee. The helpers had to get her off me to calm her down.
I lied I did, I told her there was no card in the camera. That I did it to get her to do the roadblock, that was all. She seemed appeased, but she wasn't happy with me methods. Secretly, there was film in that camera, yup, here be the proof of the Dragon just about to touch earth, and bound off that wall after yours truly. Oh please do notice the shoes, they made her wear them because what she had on wasn't safe. It didn't help I said she looked stunning in them.
Off we went, me thinking we weren't too far behind, we might actually have a chance to finish last without being over two hours late. Yea.
Next stop was Turners Field, yes you noticed that too? You'd think they'd have named the village that, but no, it was named something else. At Turners Field one of the team members was required to throw twenty bales of hay onto a flatbed truck while the other member was driving, as quickly as possible, and get a clue to the next stop.
Okay naturally, it would be me doing the throwing, her doing the driving. This we agreed upon as we arrived to teams still out in the field. I was more hopeful than ever. I parked the old clunker, I mean the car plow and we got out hurriedly. She got in the truck, started it up and I ran into the field, with her narrowly missing me, probably she was gunning for yours truly because when I yelled at her, the look on her face wasn't one of sorry, but disappointment.
Ugh the woman!
She drove on until I shouted stop, then I started throwing the bales onto the truck.
"Okay, drive slowly on and I'll throw them as we go," I yelled up to her.
She started moving at a slow pace and I was throwing those bales up like it was nothing, until I noticed I was almost out of breath because she had started speeding up! I was like WOMAN what the feck? I yelled for her to slow it down and I had to stop I was so winded. I had five more bales to go and she was shouting out the window at me, "Come on Wuss Pants get those bales up here, you poor excuse for a man, look at you, you look lost and stupid, hahahaha!"
This said within earshot of EVERYONE. I was pissed! I took that mad energy and started flinging the remaining bales in and I yelled at her to "speed it up Granny because I'm way a head of ya!" She laughed like a demented hag and was going near 20 mph, me running along side like a son of a bitch, heaving bales over me head like superman. I must have looked like one of those skinny cartoon men arms flaying as I ran, the bales being zapped on the truck and we were finished before everyone else!
I got the next bit of instructions and as I read them she says, "Good job Charlie, it takes razzing you to get your lazy butt moving."
I guess it was turn about was fair play in her book. I had clicked pictures of her rear end coming down a rope and she publicly humiliated me to get me arse in gear. I dunno, I thought we made a strange pair of who knew whats, but I also thought we might just win.
To be continued, maybe.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
To continue the torture, I went on to Turners Crossing. There, we were to stop at an ice cream and hot dog road stand and count the number of different ice cream flavours available. This time SHE got out of the car, I thought so she wouldn't be stared at inside it.
We were standing back from the six people who were eating ice cream or hot dogs and I was counting and she was ORDERING. I was like what the feck? Come on! She ordered herself LUNCH and had me hold her melting ice cream (since I wasn't doing "anything"), with instructions not to lick it. Heaven forbid I have germs. She sat herself down at a wooden table and proceeded to slowly eat while I, filled with indignation, stared at her. Then she looked over at me, ice cream in hand and said, "You didn't lick it did you?"
No -- would you like some lunch Charlie, I mean Gabriel? No, none of that. Oh I wanted to slowly move that cone upside down and let the ice cream fall to the ground with a big grin on me Charlie face, but I didn't. I sniffed instead.
"You know, time is a wasting." I said looking at the sky.
"Charles, with that thing we are riding in, do you really believe we have a chance?" She sniggered. "If we are stuck doing this bright idea of yours, we might as well enjoy it."
Enjoy it? Where was the joy? I was looking around for it as if it was a word that materialized and was running amok where I couldn't catch it. JOY? I'd like to show her the joy on me Charlie Charles face when I be pulling off in the car plow, licking on her ice cream cone without her arse in it. That would be JOY. But I didn't.
I know you think I was being a wuss and yes I was, but you don't have to live with the Dragon's daughter if you diss the mother, I do. And I could hear me Mam's voice in me head, "Now Gabriel, mind your elders, always be respectful no matter what." Yup, no matter what. Damn it Ma!
Finally, she threw the paper remains of her meal in the trash bin and came over to retrieve her cone which had dripped all down me hand to me arm and was dripping off me elbow. Cherry vanilla with what had been sprinkles on top. The sprinkles coated me arm like a skin disease and so with the exchange I went to the outside counter and got me a bunch of paper napkins, and just as I was about to use them to wipe the mess off, she comes over and takes them from me, telling me how thoughtful I was.
URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
She hopped in the car, ice cream all tided up, licking away at the cone, me after going back for more napkins, dabbing at the goo in a mood, got in and we took off. Then I had to go back because I hadn't got the number of ice cream flavours available, and neither had she because she was ordering lunch and I WAS the keeper of the answers according to her. SHE was along for the joy of it. Yup.
I got back out, counted quickly and got a "are you sure that's right dear?" Oh yeah old woman, I wanted to shout, that's right I be off to the next one and you to the HOME. Then I was reminded I hadn't stopped to find out where the "next one was." I jammed on the brakes in me fury, completely forgetting you don't do that with the car plow, and as she turned towards me to offer that up, and as the car plow came to a quicker stop than usual, I found myself wearing ice cream AGAIN. The ice cream had gone flying and hit me smack in the chin. I froze. She looked at me closely as if I was some peculiarity and she wasn't sure what I was. Then she started dabbing at HER blouse which had no ice cream on it, leaving me dripping, and engrossed in that activity she says, "Really Charlie, you need to take Drives Ed over again. Maybe they drive like that over in Ireland, but not here."
"Give me the napkins please," I said firmly.
"Oh do you need these, good thing you spoke up, I was about to throw them out." And she hands me the napkins with no effort to help.
I ask you, how much is a grown man to take?
After cleanup number two, I looked at the paper and saw I was to drive to Turners Alley for a "roadblock."
A roadblock is a task that only one team member may perform. Before heading into a roadblock, teams read a clue about the task. A team may determine the task by observing their surroundings, or if they see another team performing it. They must decide which team member would be best suited to complete it. Once a choice has been made, the teammates cannot change roles.
Oh goody.
Well, we got there, and were handed an envelope that asked the question: "Who likes to go to great heights?" Well, hell that's easy, the Dragon does, her head be in the clouds as it were, so I said, "That be you." And she laughed, but I said again, "Really, that's you."
She didn't laugh, she looked at me a little uncomfortably, so I drove on to the corner of the alley where there were other cars. Ahead of us were two other teams, one had just completed the task, the other team, one member was on the roof of the Turners Wheat and Rye Warehouse, the other member was in the alley looking up. There were long repel lines hanging from the building. I knew instantly what it was. Yes I did and I zipped me lips.
The Dragon was standing at me elbow looking up wondering what it was, and me, helpful as ever said, "I think it is lower a bucket of grain without spilling it."
"Oh, ok," and off inside she went to get to the roof. I ran to the car plow looking for me camera and yup it was in me glove box. I ran back and watched as the other team member climbed over the lip of the roof and started the long repel to the bottom. Oh this was too much a treat. By the time the Dragon made the roof the other guy would be long gone and she wouldn't have a clue.
I was about rolling on the ground laughing and I had a hard time to keep the bursts of mirth inside me, that the people standing there with me didn't wonder if I had lost me mind. But the whole idea of a harnessed up Dragon dangling in space was just too much. Me face was red with merriment. It got worse when I heard her voice carrying down to me, "You mean to tell me I have to climb down on a rope?"
I stood there thinking of the rope breaking from her weight, or the wind coming up and bashing her against the bricks, or her just free falling with a big splat to the ground. I had found the joy.
"Come on grandma, you can do it," I shouted up at her.
"You shut up down there, Charlie," she shouted down at me, but I heard her mutter, "Grandma, why I never."
I could hear her arguing and they telling her she would cause her team forfeit and such, so not wanting to be the subject of ridicule on how we lost the race because of her, she bucked up, got the harness on and the clown shoes they wanted her to wear, and looking down over the edge one last time, clambered (that is the only way to describe it) over the side and was dangling back and forth for a few minutes with eyes clamped shut and her knuckles very white holding the rope.
"Grandma, you ok up there?" I asked with a chuckle in me voice I couldn't contain.
"Do NOT grandma me Charlie! So help me, I get down there you are a dead man." She said eyes still clamped shut, swinging slightly in the breeze.
"Come on feel your inner pinata." I laughed watching her dangle.
How long she would have stayed up there in petrified fright I don't know, but her eyes opened and her brow furrowed at the sound of clicking below her. She looked down startled, and spied me clicking pictures and then threatened me within an inch of me life when she got down for taking pictures of her from an unflattering angle. With superhuman resolve she repelled in her anger at me like she knew what she was doing. And once down came after me camera clicking self like a banshee. The helpers had to get her off me to calm her down.
I lied I did, I told her there was no card in the camera. That I did it to get her to do the roadblock, that was all. She seemed appeased, but she wasn't happy with me methods. Secretly, there was film in that camera, yup, here be the proof of the Dragon just about to touch earth, and bound off that wall after yours truly. Oh please do notice the shoes, they made her wear them because what she had on wasn't safe. It didn't help I said she looked stunning in them.
Off we went, me thinking we weren't too far behind, we might actually have a chance to finish last without being over two hours late. Yea.
Next stop was Turners Field, yes you noticed that too? You'd think they'd have named the village that, but no, it was named something else. At Turners Field one of the team members was required to throw twenty bales of hay onto a flatbed truck while the other member was driving, as quickly as possible, and get a clue to the next stop.
Okay naturally, it would be me doing the throwing, her doing the driving. This we agreed upon as we arrived to teams still out in the field. I was more hopeful than ever. I parked the old clunker, I mean the car plow and we got out hurriedly. She got in the truck, started it up and I ran into the field, with her narrowly missing me, probably she was gunning for yours truly because when I yelled at her, the look on her face wasn't one of sorry, but disappointment.
Ugh the woman!
She drove on until I shouted stop, then I started throwing the bales onto the truck.
"Okay, drive slowly on and I'll throw them as we go," I yelled up to her.
She started moving at a slow pace and I was throwing those bales up like it was nothing, until I noticed I was almost out of breath because she had started speeding up! I was like WOMAN what the feck? I yelled for her to slow it down and I had to stop I was so winded. I had five more bales to go and she was shouting out the window at me, "Come on Wuss Pants get those bales up here, you poor excuse for a man, look at you, you look lost and stupid, hahahaha!"
This said within earshot of EVERYONE. I was pissed! I took that mad energy and started flinging the remaining bales in and I yelled at her to "speed it up Granny because I'm way a head of ya!" She laughed like a demented hag and was going near 20 mph, me running along side like a son of a bitch, heaving bales over me head like superman. I must have looked like one of those skinny cartoon men arms flaying as I ran, the bales being zapped on the truck and we were finished before everyone else!
I got the next bit of instructions and as I read them she says, "Good job Charlie, it takes razzing you to get your lazy butt moving."
I guess it was turn about was fair play in her book. I had clicked pictures of her rear end coming down a rope and she publicly humiliated me to get me arse in gear. I dunno, I thought we made a strange pair of who knew whats, but I also thought we might just win.
To be continued, maybe.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
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