21 December 2004
104
R. Linda:
Last I left you, I was thawing out by the fire, me fingers finding life as I typed me sad story. Now that I have had sufficient time to reflect back on the mayhem of the mailbox, I feel fit to continue this tale of woe, because I know to me, it isn't funny, but to you, you will see humour in it, even if I don't.
Therefore, I will remind you that we had snow, the mailbox moved up a bit more than 4" and a new driveway thanks to our landscaping plough guy, as we awaited the "live" package from Tonya's sister. In the process, we have found that we now need ice skates to get down the driveway as it is a sheet of glaring ice. We have both been knocked almost unconscious as we bravely try to traverse the ice to the mailbox, to check on the arrival of the package that seems to have disappeared from postal radar.
Anyway, yesterday morn I spied the red flag up on the box, a sign that mail has been delivered. Now in the rest of the country, I be sure the red flag up means mail is in the box to be picked up by the postman, but not here. It is a signal because of the ice on the drive that we have post, if not we would not have to brave the elements and life and limb to look inside an empty postbox. This red flag business took us both a while to figure out, but we did in our brain-damaged minds. Falling on the hard ice has shaken our brains we know and we both think there is damage because the other one makes no sense at times, and this has been pointed out by both of us to the other on recent occasions. These episodes usually take place after one of us has taken on the driveway.
So yesterday, there I be down by the box, realising SHE didn't put the flag down from yesterday, so this was a futile exercise I had taken on. Looking to start back, I saw Tonya driving down the new driveway sideways and I thought to meself that I be going to be taken out if she doesn't straighten it out. Well, she did try braking but that put the car into a fish-tailed spin and her VW was coming at me. I was in snow up to me waist and if you think that means I could move fast, you're not seeing the reality of it. Whoosh, she goes flying by me, missing me by mere inches, and I find meself covered in more snow like a snowman. Tonya, finds her and the car are front end on the ice in the pond across the road.
The snow the car kicked up had me embedded in place next to the mailbox and I could not move unless I had a shovel. Begorrah me what a fix we were in. She was sitting too petrified to move in the driving seat listening to the ice cracking ever so slowly. For some strange reason, I started to laugh (but that's me nervousness taking over), and I must have appeared as if brain damaged from falling, and it had caught up to me. I don't know, it struck me as crazy the entire situation. There I was about to freeze to death of exposure and there she was ready to face an icy situation, frozen in fear and me frozen in place.
She turned slowly not to add any vibration to the automobile and was gently rolling down the window. She began to look in my direction (I had the laughter under control by then), and at the sight of me, SHE started laughing. I threw up me arms like what the hell? She had covered her mouth and was pointing at me full of mirth, not exactly what I think I would be doing if I and me car were about to meet the deep freeze.
"You, you, you . . . " she laughed, "look like a snowman."
Oh yes, very funny. I be sure I did, actually, I knew I did. I asked her where the hell she thought she was off to and she said she discovered we were out of whipped cream for hot cocoa. To be honest with you, I was sick of hot cocoa, and now I don't want to ever see another cup as long as I live, which won't be too long at this rate.
So there we were two bloody fools waiting for someone, anyone to come by and save us. Well, we must have been out there for two bloody hours before I saw the postman chugging on up. I yell to Tonya, rescue is coming, hold on.
Well, he obviously had no post for us including the "live" package, and he sort of waves and keeps going. This sent Tonya into fits of hysterical laughter as I watched his car receding down the snowy lane.
Now I ask you, what is wrong with these Yankees they be blind or what? I looked like a freaking stuck snowman waving me arms in distress and there across from me is Tonya in a bright yellow VW that is slowly sinking into the pond. Does that picture seem like a happy one? I don't think so.
I shouted to her that I was going to wring her sister's neck if I lived through this because this was all over the "live" package that we are in the fix we are. She yelled back that she could hear the water in the front of the car sloshing. Oh great, I think, that means no car, no way back to Boston and I'm going to be stuck here forever. I might have let go of those thoughts because reality did set in that the car didn't matter because I was going to be frozen meat soon, so what?
It gets worse, much, much worse. As the water was bubbling up the front of the car was slowly sinking and I be frozen and couldn't move, this chipmunk came walking up the top of the snow bank and was sitting not three inches from me on its hind legs chattering at me. I be up to me chest in snow, so said rodent is closer than I'd ever want to see one. Now I know they are cute to some people, but when you are frozen and can't move away, they aren't cute they are a real live threat. I be where I shouldn't be I suppose in the rodent's mind and in its way. Forget there are acres of land around me, I be in the path of the chubby-cheeked chattering, threatening rodent. I could hear the ice on the pond cracking like gun explosions and fear to look in that direction, but I knew Tonya's screams would let me know when it was almost too late.
Right now I be looking into the beady and angry eyes of a six-inch tall rodent.
Behind me I heard the sound of a motor and if I could get away with turning around I would have, but I was afraid if I moved the rodent would leap onto me face, and well, you can imagine the rest.
Standing very still, well doesn't that sound stupid, I couldn't move I was frozen in place anyway. The postman's car goes chugging by AGAIN, with that limp wave as he disappears back down the lane to possible civilisation. I was fuming mad I can tell you that much. Hopping up and down mad, so mad I forgot the rodent was there and started really moving around, trying to swat it off with me heavy gloved hand, but I was so stuck in the ice snow and well it was a terrible time because the chippy decided I was attacking IT and well we were throwing punches at each other, I know me and the rodent, probably looked all the nutter I did, but he started it! In all me jumping around and screaming like a girl I didn't hear Tonya slide out the car window and run up to save yours truly.
Seems the thought of me getting eaten by a chipmunk kicked in her survival instincts and there she was defending me from being bested by a six-inch burrow rat. Well, she did save me sorry arse, but the car slowly sank into the pond as did the sunset. She did manage to get a shovel from up at the house and dig me out. I was so ashamed I wasn't the one rescuing her, but well, she made me feel pampered and all as I thawed out in front of the fire -- once again with a cup of hot cocoa. Oh, the agony of having to make like I love the stuff.
Don't you think it be over because it gets even worse than this?
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Last I left you, I was thawing out by the fire, me fingers finding life as I typed me sad story. Now that I have had sufficient time to reflect back on the mayhem of the mailbox, I feel fit to continue this tale of woe, because I know to me, it isn't funny, but to you, you will see humour in it, even if I don't.
Therefore, I will remind you that we had snow, the mailbox moved up a bit more than 4" and a new driveway thanks to our landscaping plough guy, as we awaited the "live" package from Tonya's sister. In the process, we have found that we now need ice skates to get down the driveway as it is a sheet of glaring ice. We have both been knocked almost unconscious as we bravely try to traverse the ice to the mailbox, to check on the arrival of the package that seems to have disappeared from postal radar.
Anyway, yesterday morn I spied the red flag up on the box, a sign that mail has been delivered. Now in the rest of the country, I be sure the red flag up means mail is in the box to be picked up by the postman, but not here. It is a signal because of the ice on the drive that we have post, if not we would not have to brave the elements and life and limb to look inside an empty postbox. This red flag business took us both a while to figure out, but we did in our brain-damaged minds. Falling on the hard ice has shaken our brains we know and we both think there is damage because the other one makes no sense at times, and this has been pointed out by both of us to the other on recent occasions. These episodes usually take place after one of us has taken on the driveway.
So yesterday, there I be down by the box, realising SHE didn't put the flag down from yesterday, so this was a futile exercise I had taken on. Looking to start back, I saw Tonya driving down the new driveway sideways and I thought to meself that I be going to be taken out if she doesn't straighten it out. Well, she did try braking but that put the car into a fish-tailed spin and her VW was coming at me. I was in snow up to me waist and if you think that means I could move fast, you're not seeing the reality of it. Whoosh, she goes flying by me, missing me by mere inches, and I find meself covered in more snow like a snowman. Tonya, finds her and the car are front end on the ice in the pond across the road.
The snow the car kicked up had me embedded in place next to the mailbox and I could not move unless I had a shovel. Begorrah me what a fix we were in. She was sitting too petrified to move in the driving seat listening to the ice cracking ever so slowly. For some strange reason, I started to laugh (but that's me nervousness taking over), and I must have appeared as if brain damaged from falling, and it had caught up to me. I don't know, it struck me as crazy the entire situation. There I was about to freeze to death of exposure and there she was ready to face an icy situation, frozen in fear and me frozen in place.
She turned slowly not to add any vibration to the automobile and was gently rolling down the window. She began to look in my direction (I had the laughter under control by then), and at the sight of me, SHE started laughing. I threw up me arms like what the hell? She had covered her mouth and was pointing at me full of mirth, not exactly what I think I would be doing if I and me car were about to meet the deep freeze.
"You, you, you . . . " she laughed, "look like a snowman."
Oh yes, very funny. I be sure I did, actually, I knew I did. I asked her where the hell she thought she was off to and she said she discovered we were out of whipped cream for hot cocoa. To be honest with you, I was sick of hot cocoa, and now I don't want to ever see another cup as long as I live, which won't be too long at this rate.
So there we were two bloody fools waiting for someone, anyone to come by and save us. Well, we must have been out there for two bloody hours before I saw the postman chugging on up. I yell to Tonya, rescue is coming, hold on.
Well, he obviously had no post for us including the "live" package, and he sort of waves and keeps going. This sent Tonya into fits of hysterical laughter as I watched his car receding down the snowy lane.
Now I ask you, what is wrong with these Yankees they be blind or what? I looked like a freaking stuck snowman waving me arms in distress and there across from me is Tonya in a bright yellow VW that is slowly sinking into the pond. Does that picture seem like a happy one? I don't think so.
I shouted to her that I was going to wring her sister's neck if I lived through this because this was all over the "live" package that we are in the fix we are. She yelled back that she could hear the water in the front of the car sloshing. Oh great, I think, that means no car, no way back to Boston and I'm going to be stuck here forever. I might have let go of those thoughts because reality did set in that the car didn't matter because I was going to be frozen meat soon, so what?
It gets worse, much, much worse. As the water was bubbling up the front of the car was slowly sinking and I be frozen and couldn't move, this chipmunk came walking up the top of the snow bank and was sitting not three inches from me on its hind legs chattering at me. I be up to me chest in snow, so said rodent is closer than I'd ever want to see one. Now I know they are cute to some people, but when you are frozen and can't move away, they aren't cute they are a real live threat. I be where I shouldn't be I suppose in the rodent's mind and in its way. Forget there are acres of land around me, I be in the path of the chubby-cheeked chattering, threatening rodent. I could hear the ice on the pond cracking like gun explosions and fear to look in that direction, but I knew Tonya's screams would let me know when it was almost too late.
Right now I be looking into the beady and angry eyes of a six-inch tall rodent.
Behind me I heard the sound of a motor and if I could get away with turning around I would have, but I was afraid if I moved the rodent would leap onto me face, and well, you can imagine the rest.
Standing very still, well doesn't that sound stupid, I couldn't move I was frozen in place anyway. The postman's car goes chugging by AGAIN, with that limp wave as he disappears back down the lane to possible civilisation. I was fuming mad I can tell you that much. Hopping up and down mad, so mad I forgot the rodent was there and started really moving around, trying to swat it off with me heavy gloved hand, but I was so stuck in the ice snow and well it was a terrible time because the chippy decided I was attacking IT and well we were throwing punches at each other, I know me and the rodent, probably looked all the nutter I did, but he started it! In all me jumping around and screaming like a girl I didn't hear Tonya slide out the car window and run up to save yours truly.
Seems the thought of me getting eaten by a chipmunk kicked in her survival instincts and there she was defending me from being bested by a six-inch burrow rat. Well, she did save me sorry arse, but the car slowly sank into the pond as did the sunset. She did manage to get a shovel from up at the house and dig me out. I was so ashamed I wasn't the one rescuing her, but well, she made me feel pampered and all as I thawed out in front of the fire -- once again with a cup of hot cocoa. Oh, the agony of having to make like I love the stuff.
Don't you think it be over because it gets even worse than this?
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
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