13 February, 2017

Big News . . . Earthquakes, Ground Blizzard and BUY CHINESE!

13 February 2017
850

R. Linda:

Big news here in New Hampshire, uh huh. Wanna here what it is? No, you probably don't but guess what? I be going to tell ya anyhow.

The big news besides the storm of the century that dumped almost two more feet on top of the two we had just recently accumulated, IS an earthquake! Yes, R. Linda, there was a . . . are you ready? There was a two point fiver in Bedford, New Hampshire! I know it's just too much to keep to oneself. Anyway, you'd think they never had one in that area before. There are two to four a year so this is new? I don't think so earthquake fans. But the local news thought it was BIG so they were reporting from . . . are you ready again? THE EPICENTRE, yes a field with nothing in it. The camera at the epicentre  featured a pathway of knee deep snow like a fissure but it wasn't R. Linda, it was where the crew made their way into the field! Gees, they think the viewers are dopes. Anyway, they said nothing, just zoomed in on the path or fissure, whichever you prefer without saying it was a path or a fissure, just leaving it to the viewers imagination to pick one. And . . . no, we aren't finished yet, they reported on air that so far, yes so far R. Linda, there were no reported or known injuries or damages. YOU THINK? AND it gets better . . . they warned of AFTERSHOCKS! Can you feel aftershocks after a 2.5? What a bunch of crazies.

They also have a new term, ground blizzard. I was like what the heck is that now? It was explained it is the wind whipping up snow on the ground to where you can't see. It is what we'd call a white out. Yup new name, so just so ya know if you hear the term. The second was the snow needles, yes, snow needles -- these are spears of snow crystals that don't fully form as a flake, but come down pinging the windows and roofs like sleet. I think personally, it is a fancy name for SLEET, just sayin'.

Now for the more home bound mundane news. Me Mam decided me office needed a woman's touch. No it did not need that, but she was all about hanging sheer curtains under the (I hope I have this correct) swags and jabots. I said I liked the scenery and did not want it obscured, but "Gabriel, dis will make it warm and coozy." I didn't want warm and cozy, I wanted office. So she ordered the curtains anyway, yeah doesn't matter what I say so why ask right? I did say, "do not spend scads of money on those curtains I don't want." She said she hadn't, she ordered online from a Chinese company that will send within three days. Yeah right, she'll show Trump, and the last time she ordered from China the goods were thrown on the slow boat and arrived three months after the fact. So I thought good, by the time they arrive, it will be spring and there will be no need for "warm and coozy."

Well, they arrived within the promised three days, yes they did, must have been by missile express. The day they physically arrived at the door, the little old woman was very busy cleaning and doing wash. The wife and kiddos had gone on a school skiing trip and that was her perfect opportunity to do a "lil' hoose cleanin'." She worked her little Irish self to the bone making it all look pristine like no one lived in the house. Yup, she did. By dinner time (which she insisted on preparing because she's Super Mam) she was quite broken and talking early bedtime. As she was shuffling off the doorbell rang (it was 7:35) and guess what? CURTAINS and rods had arrived! Oh boy. Well, she was so tired I thought for sure I'd have a few more days of curtain-less windows, but NO, out came the iron and ironing board.

"Ma, leave it be, you're tired, I don't need the curtains up at night anyway. Take a few days off." I pleaded, but no, she couldn't have it and she set upon getting the rods out and up, then the iron was hot so she took one pair out of the bag and I was watching this examination as her face took on a look of confusion, then bewilderment, then WTF, and she held them at one end, then another and she was shaking her head. She pulled out another and same thing. Ok I was curious now, so I asked if there was some bizarre curtain problem. Yes there was.

"Either whoever made dese dint half a sewin' machine, or dey are blind an' shaky, or dey are halfwits, or dey doon no how ta sew, definitely doon no how ta measure and luck at dis fabric it be pooled here and dere and snagged and it gets sheer at one half and dense at da utter."

I suggested she send them back but she told me the postage would cost her more than what she paid. It turns out when I said if she bought curtains not to spend a lot on them and she didn't. She spent $4.99 on four packages of two curtains each. No wonder they were so terribly made. I started to laugh which I thought might make her angry but she wasn't, she told me she was hanging them anyway and she'd tie them back so the differing lengths and weird fabric and stitching's wouldn't show.

"Oh don't do that." I really didn't want cartoon curtains.

"You hush noow, it will be alright." And with that she set upon ironing and hanging the Chinese monstrosities in me office. Okay she has done a good job you really have to look closely except not when you see the curtain hem at the bottom, THEN YOU KNOW these are  not well made and they hang strangely, but like she said, "Its a man's room, they'll think you did dis."

THANKS MAM!

Just look at these:

BEFORE looking good
AFTER not so much
Gabe
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15 comments:

  1. ROFLMAO those are cafe style that tou hang from the middle of the windo down. The drapey things liok ok but if you leave the shoet things there, ick. LOL .

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  2. What? Shoe things? None of this makes sense.

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  3. LMAO and be careful not to fall into a fissure!

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  4. those are not cafe curtains not even close. I like what your mom did it does look cozy. after all that work I think the last thing she needs to hear is a negative.

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    1. Uh oh what? Bite me is not what I was going to say. It was much worse.

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    2. Do I know you or what?

      I be impressed with the self-control, LMAO

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    3. Too well! You even know ewwwhat I was thinking and kept from saying! LOL

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  5. Gabe, I love your Irish harp! Way cool man. I also love the curtains looks very UK to me.

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    1. Jillie! Nice to 'see' you. The harp be me mam's..

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  6. Missile Express LMAO!! That is so true anything from China takes ages. Anyway, for what it's worth, I love the curtains. Makes the room look warm and inviting with the now outside. Just my cuppa tea. I'd say she got a bargain!

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    1. Oh if you could see them up close you might not say that.

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  7. Snow I meant. And maybe up close but who looks up close. Not me.

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  8. I thought earthquakes only happened on the west coast over there. At least you have curtains.

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