15 September, 2015

A series of unfortunate events - Part 2

15 September 2015

R. Linda:

The drone and bat incident has faded from memory after a week. The weather was not conducive to a search in the woods, so the drone be still out there. The kiddos won't go into the woods without me, so it will stay there until I get meself in the mood to schlep through the boggy area. Tonya tells me it probably killed the bat and that's what we'll find. Pleasant isn't she?

This last Saturday, I was to meet a friend for lunch. This be a friend from the old neighbourhood who I haven't seen since I moved. He told me he'd meet me half the distance between me house and his house. I was pleased too, a little gossip from the old neighbourhood was always a treat and getting away from the Honey Do list an even bigger one.

Meanwhile, as I be getting ready and unbeknownst to meself, me grey haired, apple cheeked mam was planning a foray of her own. She had bought herself a bright blue Mini-Cooper and every opportunity to take it out was followed by any excuse she could think up. Saturday it was picking up a "few odds and ends." I gave that no thought and didn't ask her when or where, as me mind was not present and so I went to shower.

I got meself ready and picked up me phone to see I was ten minutes behind. Me watch battery was fading and well, I know to change it instead of rely on it slowing things and me down. I took off in a muck sweat and drove the 30 minutes through the woods to the highway, then another 20 on the highway to the town we were meeting in. This town has a common, or green, in this case called an oval, and the traffic if you don't live in New Hampshire, can confuse an out-of-stater. The oval has the right of way, the two streets leading off (one goes north/south, the other goes east/west) have to wait as there is no stop light, just a stop sign at both intersections. When a car goes around the oval then the motors coming from the north can move forward into the oval traffic, that is IF a motor pulling out from the west doesn't proceed first. There was a motor from Illinois in front of me inching out thinking the oval traffic would stop to let him out. Oval traffic always has the right of way, so I knew that wasn't happening. You had to wait for that to lighten up and hope no one from the west intersection was pulling out as you were. The motors waiting at the north where all New Hampshire plates so they knew the drill, and as an opening came from the oval, they would begin pulling into it. But Mr. Illinois wasn't sure how to proceed, so inch by inch and minute by minutes I sat there behind him with a long line of New Hampshire folk looking very disgruntled behind me. Finally, Illinois took a chance and flew on out. There was no one in the west intersection by this time, so that problem of bumper cars was solved. I guess Illinois figured it was as good a time as any to gun the motor on out into the abyss of oval traffic.

So now it be me turn. I get to the edge of the walk lines and I notice the west intersection be still clear, but lots of motors going round the oval because now I could see the signs for a church rummage sale in front of the community centre and road construction at the bottom of the oval which is where I wanted to go. Traffic backup was the problem, so I begin inching out but the oval cars were exiting toward the west intersection making a barrier in front of me. Finally, I see the motors beginning to move, but more cars are taking the east/west intersection so I cannot move, unless traffic opens up and I can zoom off into the oval. The traffic started to stop for cars pulling out of the library (some scout meeting it looked further up in the east lane) and I thought ok someone will surely stop and let me through since they can't go anywhere. I was looking for someone to stop when I see this small motor come heading east and I see this white haired old lady making gestures over the top of her steering column, like waving me to move forward, but then she isn't stopping either and I be watching her in wonder as I realise she be bopping to music and keeping time with her waving me forward, but not, hand. She comes to a stop right in front of me, blocking me from moving forward, and I look at her and its ME OWN APPLE CHEEKED GREY HAIRED MAM! I tell ya. She was oblivious to the fact she was holding up a whole line of irate New Hampshire farmers who had started blowing their horns at ME! Like I was the problem. I was near beside meself trying to get her attention, but no, no, she was into ZZ Top's She's Got Legs. Yes, I could hear the music blasting from her open window.

"Mam!" I yelled out me window at her. "MAM!"

Nothing. She never even looked in me direction, so engrossed in the music was she. I hear a horn sound to me left and there be me wife laughing. She had kept her Beetle a car space so I could get through. She knew it was me oblivious mam holding up the works. I was able to crane the steering to the left and manoeuvre me way through. I waved thanking her and went on me way. Of course, later when I confronted the old woman she said she didn't know what I was talking about. Right!

"ZZ Tops? Never heard of em'." She huffed.

Anyway, I had a bit of a sketchy lunch at a Russian place (which made me nervous because the last Russian restaurant I was in I met up with Uncle Boris), so I ordered pierogis and while I think they were delicious, I was too preoccupied to notice really. So when I got home I was peckish and for some crazy reason, O'Hare's peanut butter and jelly sanny looked like just the thing. I got the bread, I got the jelly and I could not find the peanut butter.

"Bud, where's the peanut butter at?" I asked the munching child of mine.

"I dunno, grandma made the sandwich." He said.

I looked everywhere and couldn't find it thinking maybe she used the last bit on O'Hare's sanny. I settled for toast, butter and jelly.

I was rinsing off O'Hare's and my dishes when I went to put the dishes in the dishwasher and what did I find on the top shelf? THE PEANUT BUTTER thats what! The old bird had a mind fart and instead of placing the jar in the cupboard, she put it in the dishwasher. I was so glad I didn't start the thing. Can you imagine?

I truly hope I have a better week.

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  1. lol peanut butter in the dishwasher priceless!

  2. Borscht! I read the second part first. I like my peanut butter in a Reese's cup that way it doesn't get put in a dishwasher Gabe. LMAO

  3. Not gonna say anything negative. LOL wait until you find the phone in the fridge, THEN we'll talk. As for the car antics, when i could still drive , i was doing that. Has nothing to do with age, just good music. LOL

  4. Love Mini Coopers. Good Choice Mam! LOL

  5. Killed the bat? Forget the offer on the parrot. Dead monkey it is, already dead. Your mom moonlight as a first mate? Sounds like mine in the dingy, rows right in front of the Pearl and there is no going around. I take it you stood me up to go out with an old mate, that is sad Cappy you missed a good time. You ever have rum flavored peanut butter?

    1. Can't say that I have and I never want to know what that tastes like, thank you very much.