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R. Linda:
The way I spent me New Year's Eve started before New Year's Eve actually. It was back before the Christmas we celebrated on a Monday, when me wife told me that me cousin Sean (you remember him), had called to say he was coming over for the "New Year Festivities" since his parents were on holiday in Wexford (actually, they had got away from him and were in the next town over), and he thought to grace us with his holiday presence, not presents.
There I was, all aghast at the news when me sainted mam pipes up how lovely it will be to see "so and so again." She can't remember names so when she forgets you become "so and so." What could I do? I couldn't act selfish and say, "Oh no, not that moron, I thought he'd go to is girl Rose's, far away in Boston, why is he coming here?" Instead, I forced a smile and said, "Oh, very good." When I meant the opposite which be, "Oh shite!"
Here is how it went. I was told by me wife with me Mam chiming in, that me dear cousin was arriving at 8 a.m. New Year's Eve morning. That meant yours truly had to get up at 5 a.m. in order to be somewhat alert and drive to Logan Airport. Now this I did with protest privately to me wife, who didn't care because it wasn't her relative now was it? Off I put meself to the airport and arrived with 20 minutes to spare. I took meself to the MacDonald's and sat pretty much by meself since there was hardly a soul there.
The plane arrived, I got up took up me cup and stood with a frozen smile of welcome at the gate. I was passed by about 40 some odd people and no cousin Sean. I checked the flight again, and sure enough it be the right one. I went to the ticket agent to inquire of the passenger list. He was not listed I was told. Begorrah me!
I got me mobile phone out and dialed me wife waking up the entire household. No, he hadn't called there. Me father gave me me cousin's mobile number and that I dialled to find out me cousin probably didn't have international access. What to do? I went back thinking maybe he missed his flight and was on the next. Drumming me fingers I was almost scared out of me wits when me Da rang to say that cousin had rung up there and said he was at airport when the zipper on his suitcase burst and he went all the way back home for another.
Now just wait right there I was told. We both know that the airports have luggage places, so why in the world would the dumbarse cousin of mine, go all the way back home for another one? But we know why don't we? Because me cousin is brain dead and cheap. All righty, so now he was on his way back to airport having missed his flight. He had me cell number and would ring me from British Tel when he got to airport and had his new flight time and number.
I wanted to drive home because I knew it would be 7 hours before he arrived, and God knew how long it would take him to get back to airport. So on home I went. Just as I got to me house, me cell phone rang and it was him. He said, he had managed another flight on standby and he'd be in at 4 p.m. with stops in Boston, then shuttle to Manchester to make it easy on me, so figure 5:45 p.m.
Great I thought. I went back to bed, only I didn't get much sleep because by that time the whole house be up and me Mam be hard of hearing and was shouting at me father to pass the toast and where did he hide the lemon curd? The lemon curd could not be located and there was a clatter of kitchen utensils and slamming of cabinets and drawers, as they argued over where it could be, who had it last and that sort of thing. Me wife was head down on the kitchen table snoring in front of a hot cup of coffee by this time and would, as I well knew, be oblivious to the ruckus around her, unless it were the wee Airport crying, than she was all kinds of motherly alert. I knew the lemon curd was sitting out there on the kitchen counter where someone with good eyesight could spot it. So cursing, I got meself up, went down there and sure enough me wife was asleep -- as the two old people banged around the kitchen yelling at each other. I slammed the lemon curd on the table and left for the shower.
At 3:30 I took meself to Manchester Airport to await me cousin. And, the 5:45 shuttle came in WITHOUT me cousin on it. Here we go again I thought. Me phone rang and me father was on the other end to tell me that cousin rang his neighbour Elly (in Ireland) to ring me Da to tell him that he had missed the standby because it was fully booked, but about to board another flight in 30 minutes.
Was he meaning thirty minutes from the flight he missed or, thirty minutes from the time he rang Elly, or Elly rang me Da? Or me Da rang me? No one knew. "Stay there Gabe, I be sure he'll show up sometime. OH, and if I hear from him I'll ring ya."
Well, gee thanks a lot DA.
I got me to thinking. Elly? I realised Elly was me stupid cousin's neighbour back home. What the hell? Was he still THERE? What possess him to ring HER and not ME? I be the one sitting like a horse's arse at the airport watching people I don't know embarking and disembarking like I have this strange fascination with watching people board and de-board planes. NOT to mention the security people watching ME.
I decided to stay put but in the food court. I ate junk food the entire time, getting angrier and angrier by the hour. There was not enough time to drive home, I would have to turn around and go back. I decided Sean could ring me when he arrived and find me.
About 6:30 me phone rings and it is him. He's arrived, "FINALLY." Good I said, I be at the food court on the upper level. Ok, says he and off he is going to meet me. I pocketed me phone and sat there munching a burger waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. No Sean. I got me phone out and dialled his number. I get this hushed voice saying, "Gabe, I be on the shuttle flight to Logan, I can't use me phone."
SHUTTLE FLIGHT TO LOGAN? IN BOSTON? For God's sakes alive. Did he arrive here and then board a shuttle to Boston? I was near beside meself. That meant another 45 minutes of hamburgers or finger chewing until he got back on another shuttle and arrived BACK at Manchester. I thought. I had no clue.
Well, he finally arrived somewhere around 7:50 and it doesn't end there. When we finally got to baggage claim it was closed. It was surreal! I was so pissed at him as it was, now this! The next morning (today) me and the wife went back around 8 a.m. (we were up because of our own Airport), to get Sean's SIX SUITCASES (for three days stay mind you).
I gotta tell ya, we both were not happy campers. Sean was home cutting z's because me Mam insisted we let the "poor flight weary laddie sleep his jet leg off." Yes, jet leg, you heard me, me own Mam calls it that. When I corrected her it was jet lag, she slagged it off and called me names for being a know-it-all. So to this day it be jet leg. So good, he could sleep it off because by the time he did, it would be time for him to get back on a plane and get jet leg all over again.
Tonya was puffy eyed this morning from being up late to watch Dick Clark (which if you saw the man, you'd understand what me Mam meant when she turned to me Da and told him if he didn't stop eating American junk snacks he'd end up like that "poor American with slurred speech") and we couldn't go off to bed BECAUSE the old folks were wide awake from taking naps all day, and me idiot cousin Sean had slept the day away, so why should Ton and I (who had been up most of the night with the wee tyke) get any rest I want you to know. GOD.
They ALL go home on Wednesday, do you hear me? WEDNESDAY and me life returns to normal, or as normal as it can be. But until then I have more days of these people who are driving me and the wife up a very tall wall.
Gabe
Copyright © 2006 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
The way I spent me New Year's Eve started before New Year's Eve actually. It was back before the Christmas we celebrated on a Monday, when me wife told me that me cousin Sean (you remember him), had called to say he was coming over for the "New Year Festivities" since his parents were on holiday in Wexford (actually, they had got away from him and were in the next town over), and he thought to grace us with his holiday presence, not presents.
There I was, all aghast at the news when me sainted mam pipes up how lovely it will be to see "so and so again." She can't remember names so when she forgets you become "so and so." What could I do? I couldn't act selfish and say, "Oh no, not that moron, I thought he'd go to is girl Rose's, far away in Boston, why is he coming here?" Instead, I forced a smile and said, "Oh, very good." When I meant the opposite which be, "Oh shite!"
Here is how it went. I was told by me wife with me Mam chiming in, that me dear cousin was arriving at 8 a.m. New Year's Eve morning. That meant yours truly had to get up at 5 a.m. in order to be somewhat alert and drive to Logan Airport. Now this I did with protest privately to me wife, who didn't care because it wasn't her relative now was it? Off I put meself to the airport and arrived with 20 minutes to spare. I took meself to the MacDonald's and sat pretty much by meself since there was hardly a soul there.
The plane arrived, I got up took up me cup and stood with a frozen smile of welcome at the gate. I was passed by about 40 some odd people and no cousin Sean. I checked the flight again, and sure enough it be the right one. I went to the ticket agent to inquire of the passenger list. He was not listed I was told. Begorrah me!
I got me mobile phone out and dialed me wife waking up the entire household. No, he hadn't called there. Me father gave me me cousin's mobile number and that I dialled to find out me cousin probably didn't have international access. What to do? I went back thinking maybe he missed his flight and was on the next. Drumming me fingers I was almost scared out of me wits when me Da rang to say that cousin had rung up there and said he was at airport when the zipper on his suitcase burst and he went all the way back home for another.
Now just wait right there I was told. We both know that the airports have luggage places, so why in the world would the dumbarse cousin of mine, go all the way back home for another one? But we know why don't we? Because me cousin is brain dead and cheap. All righty, so now he was on his way back to airport having missed his flight. He had me cell number and would ring me from British Tel when he got to airport and had his new flight time and number.
I wanted to drive home because I knew it would be 7 hours before he arrived, and God knew how long it would take him to get back to airport. So on home I went. Just as I got to me house, me cell phone rang and it was him. He said, he had managed another flight on standby and he'd be in at 4 p.m. with stops in Boston, then shuttle to Manchester to make it easy on me, so figure 5:45 p.m.
Great I thought. I went back to bed, only I didn't get much sleep because by that time the whole house be up and me Mam be hard of hearing and was shouting at me father to pass the toast and where did he hide the lemon curd? The lemon curd could not be located and there was a clatter of kitchen utensils and slamming of cabinets and drawers, as they argued over where it could be, who had it last and that sort of thing. Me wife was head down on the kitchen table snoring in front of a hot cup of coffee by this time and would, as I well knew, be oblivious to the ruckus around her, unless it were the wee Airport crying, than she was all kinds of motherly alert. I knew the lemon curd was sitting out there on the kitchen counter where someone with good eyesight could spot it. So cursing, I got meself up, went down there and sure enough me wife was asleep -- as the two old people banged around the kitchen yelling at each other. I slammed the lemon curd on the table and left for the shower.
At 3:30 I took meself to Manchester Airport to await me cousin. And, the 5:45 shuttle came in WITHOUT me cousin on it. Here we go again I thought. Me phone rang and me father was on the other end to tell me that cousin rang his neighbour Elly (in Ireland) to ring me Da to tell him that he had missed the standby because it was fully booked, but about to board another flight in 30 minutes.
Was he meaning thirty minutes from the flight he missed or, thirty minutes from the time he rang Elly, or Elly rang me Da? Or me Da rang me? No one knew. "Stay there Gabe, I be sure he'll show up sometime. OH, and if I hear from him I'll ring ya."
Well, gee thanks a lot DA.
I got me to thinking. Elly? I realised Elly was me stupid cousin's neighbour back home. What the hell? Was he still THERE? What possess him to ring HER and not ME? I be the one sitting like a horse's arse at the airport watching people I don't know embarking and disembarking like I have this strange fascination with watching people board and de-board planes. NOT to mention the security people watching ME.
I decided to stay put but in the food court. I ate junk food the entire time, getting angrier and angrier by the hour. There was not enough time to drive home, I would have to turn around and go back. I decided Sean could ring me when he arrived and find me.
About 6:30 me phone rings and it is him. He's arrived, "FINALLY." Good I said, I be at the food court on the upper level. Ok, says he and off he is going to meet me. I pocketed me phone and sat there munching a burger waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. No Sean. I got me phone out and dialled his number. I get this hushed voice saying, "Gabe, I be on the shuttle flight to Logan, I can't use me phone."
SHUTTLE FLIGHT TO LOGAN? IN BOSTON? For God's sakes alive. Did he arrive here and then board a shuttle to Boston? I was near beside meself. That meant another 45 minutes of hamburgers or finger chewing until he got back on another shuttle and arrived BACK at Manchester. I thought. I had no clue.
Well, he finally arrived somewhere around 7:50 and it doesn't end there. When we finally got to baggage claim it was closed. It was surreal! I was so pissed at him as it was, now this! The next morning (today) me and the wife went back around 8 a.m. (we were up because of our own Airport), to get Sean's SIX SUITCASES (for three days stay mind you).
I gotta tell ya, we both were not happy campers. Sean was home cutting z's because me Mam insisted we let the "poor flight weary laddie sleep his jet leg off." Yes, jet leg, you heard me, me own Mam calls it that. When I corrected her it was jet lag, she slagged it off and called me names for being a know-it-all. So to this day it be jet leg. So good, he could sleep it off because by the time he did, it would be time for him to get back on a plane and get jet leg all over again.
Tonya was puffy eyed this morning from being up late to watch Dick Clark (which if you saw the man, you'd understand what me Mam meant when she turned to me Da and told him if he didn't stop eating American junk snacks he'd end up like that "poor American with slurred speech") and we couldn't go off to bed BECAUSE the old folks were wide awake from taking naps all day, and me idiot cousin Sean had slept the day away, so why should Ton and I (who had been up most of the night with the wee tyke) get any rest I want you to know. GOD.
They ALL go home on Wednesday, do you hear me? WEDNESDAY and me life returns to normal, or as normal as it can be. But until then I have more days of these people who are driving me and the wife up a very tall wall.
Gabe
Copyright © 2006 All rights reserved
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