14 June 2011
417
R. Linda:
All that rot you hear that chivalry is a thing of the past, that the romance is gone in today's world, and that men just don't woo women like the days of old . . . BALDERDASH I SAY! And I can prove that all three are alive and well in . . . POLAND!
Just the other night, a lovely gentleman by the name of Jan Rudnicki (see picture at end of story) tried to put all three into sound practice, he did. Yes, but he needed to bolster his courage first. It takes a little push to get a man to attempt wooing a woman in the old-fashioned fashion. Yes, it does! So Jan (our modern-day knight and hero) rode his horse, yes he did, he rode a horse, to his local to talk his idea over with his local buds at their favourite local pub. Now, Jan is a rum drinker, and he had his first shot and that loosened his tongue to tell his best buddies what he had planned.
There seems there was this fair maiden that Jan had his eye on. One Gosia Domoslawska, who had no idea of any designs on her as being a maiden of interest. No, Gosia was home watching the telly, kicking back doing not much of anything, and totally relaxed in the safe cozy lounge of her home. Poor dear, bless her, she was clueless of what was coming. Sigh, but that later.
Meanwhile, our hero knight was slugging back the rum and talking this wooing up. Mirek Nowak, a dear friend of our hero knight, thought Jan was joking. I guess everyone did because no one woos a woman the old-fashioned way. I know you are asking what this old fashion wooing consists of. Well R. Linda, in me book it used to be you rode up to the fair maiden's castle on a white horse, you and said horse both decked out in fancy robes, and there you sing outside the wall of the maiden's beauty and virtue, then (if you have a good throwing arm) you hoist a few roses over the wall in the hopes she sees them and her heart swells with love. And if you are successful and the drawbridge is let down, you gallop on in, sweep your true love into your massive strong arms and ride away with her. Yup. I know no one does this anymore because well, most of the fair maidens do not live in castles with drawbridges, nor do the gallant hero single men ride horses, white ones in particular, nor do many of them sing, or think to bring flowers on a first date. NOR, do they want, nor desire to sweep said woman off to their own castle after the first date, because then they'd be stuck with possibly a shrew and not a fair maiden, and it takes several years of dating to make sure the fair maiden does not turn into say . . . a dragon. So there you have it R. Linda, the code of male chivalry or something near to it.
Hell-bent on wooing the fair unsuspecting Gosia, our hero knight tore off his shirt to display his massively muscular chest and then with a final shot of rum he strode out to his massively muscled horse and jumped on. All his fellows followed him out, not quite believing in his romantic mission until he rode off in the direction of Gosia's house.
They believed him even more when the next morning they read about the wooing gone very, very, very wrong. It was enough to make other would-be hero knights sob. Here's what happened, and I would you sit down for this and get the tissues handy (just in case this moves you as it did me).
Galloping down the road, missing various automobiles and maybe a truck, Jan made it to a field where he knew a shortcut and arrived in record time at the front door of Gosia's house. Meanwhile, inside was our fair maiden still glued to the tube, totally unaware she had a visitor. But not for long, because our impatient hero knight rode up onto the doorstep, no he did not dismount, I mean how would that look, dismount and be so drunk you are lurching around and Gosia looks out and sees your massive bare-chested muscles and calls the police! Nah, can't have THAT, so instead of dismounting, our Jan rode through Gosia's front door, horse and all. Yup, he did.
His rum-soaked brain was on a chivalrous mission and he saw nothing wrong with this manoeuvre, no he did not. But poor Gosia! Yes, her heart was beating faster, her eyes were widened in surprise, and yes she was jumping and screaming, but not for joy, more like in sheer terror. Yes, our hero knight scared the bejesus out of her. Wouldn't it you? To see a half-naked man and a half-naked horse (the horse had no saddle)? It would me and I wasn't there!
Anyway, the local authorities arrived and took the knight and charger into custody and a weeping, frightened Gosia soon got over THAT and became a very angry and unsettled maiden fair. "He's a loon, I never fancied him before and I certainly don't now. If this was supposed to win my heart he must be seriously off his rocker." Well, so much for chivalry, romance and the old-fashioned way of wooing.
Our knight errant did say sorry, and he did offer to pay for and FIX the door, but the police say that's not good enough, so our poor Jan be facing 5 long years in prison (yes a castle without a moat I be sure), for aggravated breaking and entering, for tearing up the garden with his large half-naked horse and lastly for using said horse as a muscled battering ram to gain entrance to his beloved's abode.
I am bummed about all this. I had a down payment on a white plough horse, and a bouquet of daises and was going to throw on me Danish duds from Denmark, but NOW . . . not so much.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
All that rot you hear that chivalry is a thing of the past, that the romance is gone in today's world, and that men just don't woo women like the days of old . . . BALDERDASH I SAY! And I can prove that all three are alive and well in . . . POLAND!
Just the other night, a lovely gentleman by the name of Jan Rudnicki (see picture at end of story) tried to put all three into sound practice, he did. Yes, but he needed to bolster his courage first. It takes a little push to get a man to attempt wooing a woman in the old-fashioned fashion. Yes, it does! So Jan (our modern-day knight and hero) rode his horse, yes he did, he rode a horse, to his local to talk his idea over with his local buds at their favourite local pub. Now, Jan is a rum drinker, and he had his first shot and that loosened his tongue to tell his best buddies what he had planned.
There seems there was this fair maiden that Jan had his eye on. One Gosia Domoslawska, who had no idea of any designs on her as being a maiden of interest. No, Gosia was home watching the telly, kicking back doing not much of anything, and totally relaxed in the safe cozy lounge of her home. Poor dear, bless her, she was clueless of what was coming. Sigh, but that later.
Meanwhile, our hero knight was slugging back the rum and talking this wooing up. Mirek Nowak, a dear friend of our hero knight, thought Jan was joking. I guess everyone did because no one woos a woman the old-fashioned way. I know you are asking what this old fashion wooing consists of. Well R. Linda, in me book it used to be you rode up to the fair maiden's castle on a white horse, you and said horse both decked out in fancy robes, and there you sing outside the wall of the maiden's beauty and virtue, then (if you have a good throwing arm) you hoist a few roses over the wall in the hopes she sees them and her heart swells with love. And if you are successful and the drawbridge is let down, you gallop on in, sweep your true love into your massive strong arms and ride away with her. Yup. I know no one does this anymore because well, most of the fair maidens do not live in castles with drawbridges, nor do the gallant hero single men ride horses, white ones in particular, nor do many of them sing, or think to bring flowers on a first date. NOR, do they want, nor desire to sweep said woman off to their own castle after the first date, because then they'd be stuck with possibly a shrew and not a fair maiden, and it takes several years of dating to make sure the fair maiden does not turn into say . . . a dragon. So there you have it R. Linda, the code of male chivalry or something near to it.
Hell-bent on wooing the fair unsuspecting Gosia, our hero knight tore off his shirt to display his massively muscular chest and then with a final shot of rum he strode out to his massively muscled horse and jumped on. All his fellows followed him out, not quite believing in his romantic mission until he rode off in the direction of Gosia's house.
They believed him even more when the next morning they read about the wooing gone very, very, very wrong. It was enough to make other would-be hero knights sob. Here's what happened, and I would you sit down for this and get the tissues handy (just in case this moves you as it did me).
Galloping down the road, missing various automobiles and maybe a truck, Jan made it to a field where he knew a shortcut and arrived in record time at the front door of Gosia's house. Meanwhile, inside was our fair maiden still glued to the tube, totally unaware she had a visitor. But not for long, because our impatient hero knight rode up onto the doorstep, no he did not dismount, I mean how would that look, dismount and be so drunk you are lurching around and Gosia looks out and sees your massive bare-chested muscles and calls the police! Nah, can't have THAT, so instead of dismounting, our Jan rode through Gosia's front door, horse and all. Yup, he did.
His rum-soaked brain was on a chivalrous mission and he saw nothing wrong with this manoeuvre, no he did not. But poor Gosia! Yes, her heart was beating faster, her eyes were widened in surprise, and yes she was jumping and screaming, but not for joy, more like in sheer terror. Yes, our hero knight scared the bejesus out of her. Wouldn't it you? To see a half-naked man and a half-naked horse (the horse had no saddle)? It would me and I wasn't there!
Anyway, the local authorities arrived and took the knight and charger into custody and a weeping, frightened Gosia soon got over THAT and became a very angry and unsettled maiden fair. "He's a loon, I never fancied him before and I certainly don't now. If this was supposed to win my heart he must be seriously off his rocker." Well, so much for chivalry, romance and the old-fashioned way of wooing.
Our knight errant did say sorry, and he did offer to pay for and FIX the door, but the police say that's not good enough, so our poor Jan be facing 5 long years in prison (yes a castle without a moat I be sure), for aggravated breaking and entering, for tearing up the garden with his large half-naked horse and lastly for using said horse as a muscled battering ram to gain entrance to his beloved's abode.
I am bummed about all this. I had a down payment on a white plough horse, and a bouquet of daises and was going to throw on me Danish duds from Denmark, but NOW . . . not so much.
 |
| Courtesy DailyCaller - Jan AKA Chivalrous Knight, no that isn't Gordan Ramsey on a horse! |
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
