14 June 2011
Story #417
R. Linda:
All that rot you hear that chivalry be a thing of the past, that the romance is gone in today's world, and that men just don't woo women like the days of old . . . BALDERDASH I SAY! And I can prove that all three are alive and well in . . . POLAND!
Just the other night, a lovely gentleman by the name of Jan Rudnicki (see picture at end of story) tried to put all three into sound practice, he did. Yes, but he needed to bolster his courage first. It takes a little push to get a man to attempt wooing a woman in the old-fashioned fashion. Yes, it does! So Jan (our modern-day knight and hero) rode his horse, yes, he did, he rode a horse, to his local to talk his idea over with his local buds at their favourite local pub. Now, Jan is a rum drinker, and he had his first shot, and that loosened his tongue to tell his best buddies what he had planned.
There seems to have been a fair maiden on whom Jan had his eye. One Gosia Domoslawska, who had no idea of any designs on her as a maiden of interest. No, Gosia was home watching the telly, kicking back, doing nothing much, and totally relaxed in her home's safe, cosy lounge. Poor dear, bless her, she was clueless about what was coming. Sigh, but that later.
Meanwhile, our hero knight was slugging back the rum and talking this wooing up. Mirek Nowak, a dear friend of our hero knight, thought Jan was joking. I guess everyone did because no one woos a woman the old-fashioned way. I know you are asking what this old-fashioned wooing consists of. Well, R. Linda, in me book, it used to be you rode up to the fair maiden's castle on a white horse, you and said horse both decked out in fancy robes. There you sing outside the wall of the maiden's beauty and virtue, then (if you have a good throwing arm) you hoist a few roses over the wall in the hopes she sees them and her heart swells with love. And if you are successful and the drawbridge is let down, you gallop on in, sweep your true love into your massive, strong muscular arms and ride away with her. Yup. I know no one does this anymore because, well, most of the fair maidens do not live in castles with drawbridges, nor do the gallant hero single men ride horses, white ones in particular, nor do many of them sing, or think to bring flowers on a first date. NOR, do they want, nor desire to sweep said woman off to their own castle after the first date, because then they'd be stuck with possibly a shrew and not a fair maiden, and it takes several years of dating to make sure the fair maiden does not turn into say . . . a dragon. So there you have it, R. Linda, the code of male chivalry or something near to it.
Hell-bent on wooing the fair unsuspecting Gosia, our hero knight tore off his shirt to display his massively muscular chest and then, with a final shot of rum, he strode out to his massively muscled horse and jumped on. All his fellows followed him out, not quite believing in his romantic mission until he rode off in the direction of Gosia's house.
They believed him even more when the next morning they read about the wooing gone very, very, very wrong. It was enough to make other would-be hero knights sob. Here's what happened, and I suggest you sit down for this and get the tissues handy (just in case this moves you as it did me).
Galloping down the road, missing various automobiles and maybe a truck, Jan made it to a field where he knew a shortcut and arrived at the front door of Gosia's house in record time. Meanwhile, inside was our fair maiden still glued to the tube, unaware she had a visitor. But not for long, because our impatient hero knight rode up onto the doorstep, no, he did not dismount, I mean, how would that look, dismount and be so drunk you are lurching around and Gosia looks out and sees your massive bare-chested muscles and calls the police! Nah, can't have THAT, so instead of dismounting, our Jan rode through Gosia's front door, horse and all. Yup, he did.
His rum-soaked brain was on a chivalrous mission, and he saw nothing wrong with this manoeuvre, no, he did not. But poor Gosia! Yes, her heart was beating faster, her eyes widened in surprise, and she was jumping and screaming, but not for joy, more like sheer terror. Yes, our hero knight scared the bejesus out of her. Wouldn't it you? To see a half-naked man and a half-naked horse (the horse had no saddle)? It would me and I wasn't there!
The local authorities arrived and took the knight and charger into custody. A weeping, frightened Gosia soon overcame THAT and became a very angry and unsettled maiden fair. "He's a loon, I never fancied him before, and I certainly don't now. If this was supposed to win my heart, he must be seriously off his rocker." Well, so much for chivalry, romance and the old-fashioned way of wooing.
Our knight errant did say sorry and offered to pay for and fix the door. Still, the police say that's not good enough, so our poor Jan will be facing five long years in prison (yes, a castle without a moat, I be sure) for aggravated breaking and entering, tearing up the garden with his large half-naked horse, and lastly using said horse as a muscled battering ram to gain entrance to his beloved's abode.
I am bummed about all this. I had a down payment on a white plough horse, and a bouquet of daisies and was going to throw on me Danish duds from Denmark, but NOW. . . not so much.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
All that rot you hear that chivalry be a thing of the past, that the romance is gone in today's world, and that men just don't woo women like the days of old . . . BALDERDASH I SAY! And I can prove that all three are alive and well in . . . POLAND!
Just the other night, a lovely gentleman by the name of Jan Rudnicki (see picture at end of story) tried to put all three into sound practice, he did. Yes, but he needed to bolster his courage first. It takes a little push to get a man to attempt wooing a woman in the old-fashioned fashion. Yes, it does! So Jan (our modern-day knight and hero) rode his horse, yes, he did, he rode a horse, to his local to talk his idea over with his local buds at their favourite local pub. Now, Jan is a rum drinker, and he had his first shot, and that loosened his tongue to tell his best buddies what he had planned.
There seems to have been a fair maiden on whom Jan had his eye. One Gosia Domoslawska, who had no idea of any designs on her as a maiden of interest. No, Gosia was home watching the telly, kicking back, doing nothing much, and totally relaxed in her home's safe, cosy lounge. Poor dear, bless her, she was clueless about what was coming. Sigh, but that later.
Meanwhile, our hero knight was slugging back the rum and talking this wooing up. Mirek Nowak, a dear friend of our hero knight, thought Jan was joking. I guess everyone did because no one woos a woman the old-fashioned way. I know you are asking what this old-fashioned wooing consists of. Well, R. Linda, in me book, it used to be you rode up to the fair maiden's castle on a white horse, you and said horse both decked out in fancy robes. There you sing outside the wall of the maiden's beauty and virtue, then (if you have a good throwing arm) you hoist a few roses over the wall in the hopes she sees them and her heart swells with love. And if you are successful and the drawbridge is let down, you gallop on in, sweep your true love into your massive, strong muscular arms and ride away with her. Yup. I know no one does this anymore because, well, most of the fair maidens do not live in castles with drawbridges, nor do the gallant hero single men ride horses, white ones in particular, nor do many of them sing, or think to bring flowers on a first date. NOR, do they want, nor desire to sweep said woman off to their own castle after the first date, because then they'd be stuck with possibly a shrew and not a fair maiden, and it takes several years of dating to make sure the fair maiden does not turn into say . . . a dragon. So there you have it, R. Linda, the code of male chivalry or something near to it.
Hell-bent on wooing the fair unsuspecting Gosia, our hero knight tore off his shirt to display his massively muscular chest and then, with a final shot of rum, he strode out to his massively muscled horse and jumped on. All his fellows followed him out, not quite believing in his romantic mission until he rode off in the direction of Gosia's house.
They believed him even more when the next morning they read about the wooing gone very, very, very wrong. It was enough to make other would-be hero knights sob. Here's what happened, and I suggest you sit down for this and get the tissues handy (just in case this moves you as it did me).
Galloping down the road, missing various automobiles and maybe a truck, Jan made it to a field where he knew a shortcut and arrived at the front door of Gosia's house in record time. Meanwhile, inside was our fair maiden still glued to the tube, unaware she had a visitor. But not for long, because our impatient hero knight rode up onto the doorstep, no, he did not dismount, I mean, how would that look, dismount and be so drunk you are lurching around and Gosia looks out and sees your massive bare-chested muscles and calls the police! Nah, can't have THAT, so instead of dismounting, our Jan rode through Gosia's front door, horse and all. Yup, he did.
His rum-soaked brain was on a chivalrous mission, and he saw nothing wrong with this manoeuvre, no, he did not. But poor Gosia! Yes, her heart was beating faster, her eyes widened in surprise, and she was jumping and screaming, but not for joy, more like sheer terror. Yes, our hero knight scared the bejesus out of her. Wouldn't it you? To see a half-naked man and a half-naked horse (the horse had no saddle)? It would me and I wasn't there!
The local authorities arrived and took the knight and charger into custody. A weeping, frightened Gosia soon overcame THAT and became a very angry and unsettled maiden fair. "He's a loon, I never fancied him before, and I certainly don't now. If this was supposed to win my heart, he must be seriously off his rocker." Well, so much for chivalry, romance and the old-fashioned way of wooing.
Our knight errant did say sorry and offered to pay for and fix the door. Still, the police say that's not good enough, so our poor Jan will be facing five long years in prison (yes, a castle without a moat, I be sure) for aggravated breaking and entering, tearing up the garden with his large half-naked horse, and lastly using said horse as a muscled battering ram to gain entrance to his beloved's abode.
I am bummed about all this. I had a down payment on a white plough horse, and a bouquet of daisies and was going to throw on me Danish duds from Denmark, but NOW. . . not so much.
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| Courtesy DailyCaller - Jan AKA Chivalrous Knight, no, that isn't Gordan Ramsey on a horse! |
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
