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R. Linda:
Once upon a time, in the land of red rock, there was this handsome prince named Gabriel and his evil princess Tonya. They lived by a roaring river called the Roaring River because it was fast running and made a lot of noise . . . like a roaring noise. There by the river in a hippy shack lived the court jester, one Walter Weasil. Now Weasil was adept at riding the rapids on a floatation device called a rubber raft. This raft could fit four more people in it to paddle themselves for fun, down the Roaring River.
It came to pass one day, that a faery from the land of Pan arrived as a house guest of the handsome prince and the evil princess. It was a gum chewing, squinty eyed faery name of Tink. Well, Tink decided that rafting down the river could be a good time and said so. However, the handsome prince and the evil princess exchanged diabolical looks.
Holding up a royal index finger the prince declared, "Hark! I have an idea. Why don't we get giant inner tubes and float down the rapids instead?"
The faery had to think about this and she said, "Nope, nope, nopers. I don't wanna do inner tubes. I am going to K-Mart and buy a banana boat and I (she held up her index finger), will float down the rapids in THAT."
Well, as you can imagine that wasn't what the royal couple had in mind, but once said, they couldn't backdown, so they skulked to the inner tubes while Tink ran off to K-Mart.
After a short and heated discussion on bright ideas and no brainers, they dragged their huge inner tubes to the rocky shore of the Roaring River. There across the way, sitting on his shed deck sunning himself and sipping an umbrella drink, was Weasil the court jester (it was his day off).
"Yer royal hinneis, yer better tie a ropie to each other cuz da rapidos be fiercie."
"What?" The royal couple shouted in unison.
"I SAID yer royal hinnies better tie a ropie to yer inner tubies cuz da rapidos be fiercie."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" The royal couple had their hands cupped to their ears trying to hear over the roaring river.
"I said yer both horses arses and yer look stupid dressed in tights and wigs an yer gonner kill yerselves fer sure."
Well, the royal couple gave up because they couldn't understand a word the Weasil said. So into the tubes they got and not wanting to miss the adventure Weasil got his inner tube because all in all, he was a standup guy and didn't want to see the royal couple perish, or at best he wanted a front and centre view so he could joke about their demise later.
Into the water they went, the Weasil first, the handsome prince second and the evil princess last. The water floated the flotilla downstream at a sedate pace and everything was wonderful. The evil princess trailed her hands in the water and the prince put his head back on his tube and enjoyed the sun on his face, as Weasil sipped on his umbrella drink. This went on for a boring five minutes and all relaxation was turned to excitement when Weasil shouted back at the royal couple, "Deadman's trappie be ahead," and suddenly eddies of whirling water had them all, before the royal couple could shout back "WHAT?"
Weasil's umbrella drink was dashed on the rocks and the evil princess was holding onto her inner tube for dear life, as the handsome prince screamed his head off he was going to die!
Suddenly, the water spit our heroes and heroine into calmer waters, but that didn't last long before Weasil shouted out, "Oh me God, here comes Death By Deep Water, holdie onnn!" And once more the trio were swallowed by rough white frothy water even before the prince and princess could shout, "WHAT?" Once again they were spit out but not for long, "Watchie outty we gonner git pounded at Carnage Bendie!"
Wham, womp, bomp, bang and the inner tubes took a beating and the handsome prince was thrown out of his tube into the swirling dark waters.
"HELP!" He shouted and was swallowed up time and time again until finally he was spit out of the current and onto a jagged rock. He came to find that both the evil princess and the court jester were already sitting on the rock, inner tubes deflated and torn, floating away down the river. There they were stranded in the middle of the Roaring River, the handsome and half drowned prince, the not very happy evil princess, and the court jester, who, yes you guessed it, hardly spoke a word of English.
They sat there until the sun dried their wet clothing and just as they wondered if they'd ever be rescued, along came Tink drifting down the river in her inflated banana boat she purchased at K-Mart. It was something you'd find in a backyard swimming pool, not a roaring river, filled with jagged rocks, deadly eddies, and lots of white water. But somehow, and we have to guess it was faery magic, she managed to stay afloat.
"Hey Gabriel watcha doin?" Tink asked as she floated on by the amazed trio. For some reason Tink's raft was bobbing and dodging the rough waves with ease as she managed to float around the jagged rock with our heroes and heroine (mouths gapping, eyes opened wide, starting in speechless surprise) huddled together on top.
"Hey ya pointed haired midget yer got any sunblock?" Weasil asked.
"Huh?" Tink asked in return, not understanding the jester at all.
The end.
Gabe
Copyright © 2005 Gabriel O' Sullivan All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Once upon a time, in the land of red rock, there was this handsome prince named Gabriel and his evil princess Tonya. They lived by a roaring river called the Roaring River because it was fast running and made a lot of noise . . . like a roaring noise. There by the river in a hippy shack lived the court jester, one Walter Weasil. Now Weasil was adept at riding the rapids on a floatation device called a rubber raft. This raft could fit four more people in it to paddle themselves for fun, down the Roaring River.
It came to pass one day, that a faery from the land of Pan arrived as a house guest of the handsome prince and the evil princess. It was a gum chewing, squinty eyed faery name of Tink. Well, Tink decided that rafting down the river could be a good time and said so. However, the handsome prince and the evil princess exchanged diabolical looks.
Holding up a royal index finger the prince declared, "Hark! I have an idea. Why don't we get giant inner tubes and float down the rapids instead?"
The faery had to think about this and she said, "Nope, nope, nopers. I don't wanna do inner tubes. I am going to K-Mart and buy a banana boat and I (she held up her index finger), will float down the rapids in THAT."
Well, as you can imagine that wasn't what the royal couple had in mind, but once said, they couldn't backdown, so they skulked to the inner tubes while Tink ran off to K-Mart.
After a short and heated discussion on bright ideas and no brainers, they dragged their huge inner tubes to the rocky shore of the Roaring River. There across the way, sitting on his shed deck sunning himself and sipping an umbrella drink, was Weasil the court jester (it was his day off).
"Yer royal hinneis, yer better tie a ropie to each other cuz da rapidos be fiercie."
"What?" The royal couple shouted in unison.
"I SAID yer royal hinnies better tie a ropie to yer inner tubies cuz da rapidos be fiercie."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" The royal couple had their hands cupped to their ears trying to hear over the roaring river.
"I said yer both horses arses and yer look stupid dressed in tights and wigs an yer gonner kill yerselves fer sure."
Well, the royal couple gave up because they couldn't understand a word the Weasil said. So into the tubes they got and not wanting to miss the adventure Weasil got his inner tube because all in all, he was a standup guy and didn't want to see the royal couple perish, or at best he wanted a front and centre view so he could joke about their demise later.
Into the water they went, the Weasil first, the handsome prince second and the evil princess last. The water floated the flotilla downstream at a sedate pace and everything was wonderful. The evil princess trailed her hands in the water and the prince put his head back on his tube and enjoyed the sun on his face, as Weasil sipped on his umbrella drink. This went on for a boring five minutes and all relaxation was turned to excitement when Weasil shouted back at the royal couple, "Deadman's trappie be ahead," and suddenly eddies of whirling water had them all, before the royal couple could shout back "WHAT?"
Weasil's umbrella drink was dashed on the rocks and the evil princess was holding onto her inner tube for dear life, as the handsome prince screamed his head off he was going to die!
Suddenly, the water spit our heroes and heroine into calmer waters, but that didn't last long before Weasil shouted out, "Oh me God, here comes Death By Deep Water, holdie onnn!" And once more the trio were swallowed by rough white frothy water even before the prince and princess could shout, "WHAT?" Once again they were spit out but not for long, "Watchie outty we gonner git pounded at Carnage Bendie!"
Wham, womp, bomp, bang and the inner tubes took a beating and the handsome prince was thrown out of his tube into the swirling dark waters.
"HELP!" He shouted and was swallowed up time and time again until finally he was spit out of the current and onto a jagged rock. He came to find that both the evil princess and the court jester were already sitting on the rock, inner tubes deflated and torn, floating away down the river. There they were stranded in the middle of the Roaring River, the handsome and half drowned prince, the not very happy evil princess, and the court jester, who, yes you guessed it, hardly spoke a word of English.
They sat there until the sun dried their wet clothing and just as they wondered if they'd ever be rescued, along came Tink drifting down the river in her inflated banana boat she purchased at K-Mart. It was something you'd find in a backyard swimming pool, not a roaring river, filled with jagged rocks, deadly eddies, and lots of white water. But somehow, and we have to guess it was faery magic, she managed to stay afloat.
"Hey Gabriel watcha doin?" Tink asked as she floated on by the amazed trio. For some reason Tink's raft was bobbing and dodging the rough waves with ease as she managed to float around the jagged rock with our heroes and heroine (mouths gapping, eyes opened wide, starting in speechless surprise) huddled together on top.
"Hey ya pointed haired midget yer got any sunblock?" Weasil asked.
"Huh?" Tink asked in return, not understanding the jester at all.
The end.
Gabe
Copyright © 2005 Gabriel O' Sullivan All rights reserved
