I had spent the better part of me day off (Friday) and then me weekend (Saturday), doing yard work. Me Mam (this time, not me wife) decided the weather had that hint of fall in the air, so it was time to get the gardens turned, clip the shrubs for the last time, and generally get things put up. This backbreaking work I did by meself, and at the end of the day me hands were swollen and hurting. Yes, woe be me!
On Saturday I washed up, had me dinner and afterward dragged meself off to the shower for a long hot soak on me back with the shower massage and general cleansing of garden dirt, cobwebs, and sweat. It seemed to take a horse's age for the water to warm up, and when it finally did I stepped in. Ah the lovely feel of warm water on dirty skin and aching muscles. I lathered me hair and was in the process of rinsing it off when all of a sudden the hand held shower head was losing it's force, and the top of me shower head comes off at the wall, and I get sprayed with enough force to put a hole in me skull as a jet of water comes out of nowhere, along with a washer that hit me like a bee bee gun pellet and got stuck to me forehead for the force of the water!
The hand held shower head (which I was using to rinse the soap off me), came apart with the entire hose bursting out of the wall, thus the jet of hard spray. Talk about momentary confusion, I had no clue what had happened until I turned (in all haste) to shut the water off, which now was getting hotter as there was no control of water temperature!
I stood there, shampoo dripping down me face and shoulders looking at a completely detached hand held shower head. I dropped it and peeled off the washer that had hit me in the forehead. The thing had burst out of the wall with the force of the water. What else in this house is rigged to get me?
How many people do you know their shower exploded? Well, now you know one -- ME! AND, AND R. Linda, I have a bruise in the shape of a washer on me forehead. Looks like a bullseye and I have taken quite a bit of heat over it at work. I tell ya!
Then just Tuesday, Tonya had signed the two oldest kiddos up for footy (soccer) and did not tell me she signed me up to be head soccer coach. I had no clue so on Tuesday when I took them over to the pitch for their first practice, I was under the impression the only thing I had to do was get the soccer balls from the shed. Imagine me surprise when this Patrick person comes up to me and says, "You must be Gabe," and he extends his hand, "head coach."
"Oh no," says I, "if anything I be assistant coach." Me thinking to make a joke, but no says he, "you Gabe, are the head guy, I am the assistant coach."
He shows me the roster with me name in the top box and I say whoever made out that form put me name where his should be, but no says he, he be the head coach for another team and can't be head coach for two teams.
I tell ya! Thank you Tonya. All she told me was to show up early to get the balls from the shed, and stick around as needed. As needed me arse. How would that be I leave as the unknowing head coach with a gaggle of kiddos standing around wondering what next.
"Gabe," says Patrick, "surely you've played soccer in Ireland and know the game?"
Well, me being a tall drink of water as me former neighbour used to tell me, tried one last time to get out of me surprise situation, by saying, "Uh, basketball. I know all about basketball." Okay I don't, I know some and no that didn't play to me advantage.
We did practice drills and then I ran home to find not a woman in the house. The two of them had conveniently taken themselves and the wee one someplace else. I used me time to quickly get on the Internet and read up on how to be a head soccer coach. UGH!
Then (to add to me list of woes), just this morning, I was in me coffee fog when Guido comes in and informs me he be leaving for the school bus. Now this announcement wouldn't ordinarily be of earth shattering importance, but well considering the weather outside, even me in me fog could tell this was not a good idea.
Let me give a bit of explanation. Me eldest O'Hare, started middle school (yes I feel old), and he gets the bus at 6:30 in the morning which means he be up at 5:15. He feeds dog and cats and has his breakfast with Tonya, and she walks him to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus. She does this because this be her first born now a middle schooler and ahhhh, motherly love. Then she comes back cooks breakfast for Guido and at 8:30 walks him to the end of the driveway as well. Then she comes back gets breakfast for the youngest who be in pre-school and then off she takes him to school and drops him off and then she heads out to her workplace. She has it all down to a science. But today, she had to go in at 8 a.m. for a meeting so she managed to get the eldest off, but the last two fell to me and me Mam.
Talk about two people in a fog, that's me Mam and meself. We are not morning people until we have each consumed a full pot of coffee. Somehow Mam managed to get the last two up and dressed, she cooked them up a huge breakfast, more than they could eat (and ended up eating three breakfasts herself because she can't let "goud food gue ta waste!" It was me job to pack up the wee one and take him to school. I told Guido I'd drive him too since the weather was less than conducive to standing outside waiting for the school bus. We had severe weather alerts all night into the day and as it was, it was growing very dark outside. He insisted upon going by himself to wait for his bus. I did say it wasn't a very good idea, and to look at it outside, but no, no, off he went.
Well, a minute or two later there is a rumble of thunder, a flash of lightning, and I am immediately concerned. But before I could get in me motor and motor to the end of the long driveway through the woods, he was back.
He made it just inside ther door, when the heavens opened and it poured like a waterfall. I wanted to say I told you so, but before I could open me piehole, he looks at me with tears in his eyes and says, "My phone, I lost my phone!"
"Well, it hast ta be in da driveway," me Mam offers. "It should be easy ta find dere Guido ye jus had it."
"Yeah, but . . ." Boo hoo hoo.
"I be not going out in THAT to look for your phone." I said as the rain poured down, the lightning flashed and the thunder boomed.
"But it will be ruined!" He whined.
Me Mam was looking at him askance.
"Howdya make it back so fast?"
"I was on my bike."
"WOT? Ye rode a metal object with lightning flashing all round ye? Are ye noots?" She shouts. "An were ye goin' ta poot da bike? On da boos?"
"No, hide it in the woods like I always do."
Well, that was a news flash.
"Good way to lose your new bike." I said. "I will walk down the driveway and see if I can find it when this lets up."
It wasn't letting up and we had to go, so I went out in all that mess and got soaked to the skin finding no phone the entire length of the drive and back. As I walk in, there he be looking anxiously and I shook me head, no phone and he burst into tears.
"Here, take dis towel yer soaked." Me Mam said handing me a warm towel from the dryer. I sat down at the kitchen counter and what do I see in front of me? Yup his phone, nice and dry -- more than I could say about meself.
All I can say be, I hope me week improves. This crazy little stuff be adding up and yours truly may be contemplating an escape to Denver. Yup as if me life isn't spiced up enough.
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