28 February, 2017

A frightening conclusion -- I be still seeking help: 1. Psychiatric and 2. Dietary

28 February 2017

R. Linda:

Well, well, well, it never fails that when I eat that spicy food I have the most strangely bizarre dreams and I don't know why spice effects me like it does. I know you are thrilled it does but waking up in the middle of the night in a state of ultimate shock is not good for ones heart or brain. Its a "HUH?" moment every time and seriously I wonder that Steven Hawking hasn't asked me to come to his lab for experimental therapies to understand the lunatic wanderings of a brain on spicy food.

That be neither here nor there at the moment and I continue to wait for Hawking to notice this anomaly of mine, so in the meantime, I will regale you with a rather frightening (for me) and hopefully entertaining (for you) dream I had last Tuesday. I know, I know why didn't I write about it the day after, well the answer is simply this: I was too gobsmacked to put it to print.

So here goes, it started with this:

Some spicy peppers to which I added onions
Later I added beans, beef and pork with a bunch of Mexican spices and got this:

OOOOH what goodness this batch of chili looks to be, but looks are deceiving
Who knows what chili disguised as good food can do to a person's sleep time as well as stomach lining -- let me tell ya it wasn't pretty.

I had gone to bed so full of chili, tortilla chips and well it was Margarita Tuesday baby, so I had a couple of those to wash the heat down. I must have fallen off instantly because I don't remember anything after me head hit the pillow. I was told I was snoring up a storm, so I must have been deep in la la land.

What I do remember was near toward 3:30 a.m., I sat up in bed trying to catch me breath, I thought I was having a heart attack. Me dream had me sitting in a town hall room with a lot of people I did but didn't know if you know what I mean. They were probably all me, but well at the time . . . so anyway, I had me hand waving in the air to speak and the mayor (at least I think he was the mayor) pointed at me like we were at a presser or something and I stood up and said, "This is the live free or die state. That's why I live here." Everyone applauded which seemed no surprise to me for some reason. "I know we have the right to succeed from the union if we deem fit." More applause with "yes sirs" mixed in. "I think it is time we did so, because we have the right, we have the will, and we need to do it NOW." Thunderous applause followed this out of character pronouncement.

"I, as a former Irish citizen and member of the IRA" (I did say that, but that couldn't be further from the truth. IRA? No way not this cornstalk, but it sounded good at the time), "and now an American citizen living in the great state of New Hampshire" (more applause and shouting in the affirmative), "AND a member of the NRA (WHAT? No way am I a member I have no gun . . . okay I have an air gun but that hardly counts), "say now is the time!" And I sat down to people jumping up out of their chairs, fist pumping in the air and all manner of what I (in me dream) thought was a wonderful reaction.

The mayor (for he must have been) tried gavelling everyone to order and was shouting for all to sit it down so he could speak. And speak he did telling me to shut me piehole and get a grip. Well, R. Linda, that infuriated yours truly so I jumped back up fist pumping at the astonished man, and yelling at him to sit it down and listen up. Yes, I did say those things which I never normally would to anyone in authority, unless I was that riled then I probably would. Yeah the cool, mellow and easy going guy you know was not in that dream, the spicy chili had taken him over.

"I will not live under the thumb of a mercurial president like we have now. No way in hell, I want us" (I gestured to the entire room), "to form a new nation the nation of live free or die and elect . . . uh . . . a new leader to run our little country!"

The crowd went wild they did, and I was feeling good about it all though me stomach was rumbling.

"And just whom do you have in mind to run your little live free or die country? Hum? You?" The mayor sneered.

"Why no." I said with as much conviction as I could muster. "I have someone who is free at the moment without a job, who has great credentials and I think would be just the man for the job."

There was silence, everyone was looking at me like you better have someone, because you be looking the fool if you do not.

I held a figure up and went outside. Even I (in me dream) had no idea where I was going. I do remember me brain saying (in me dream) run and don't go back in there. But I didn't do that, I had hold of someone and he was saying, "Now Gabriel, I just got back from a wondrous vacation and . . . and . . . I don't know. Maybe you should be looking at Joe Biden."

I could hear the Mayor on the mic saying to the audience, "If he drags in that Weasil person, I want you to know he is NOT a citizen of these here United States and therefore ineligible."

I was hardly listening when I lead me man into the room and everyone got excited and was jumping up and down, applauding, whistling, and pretty much mobbing us, but I got me man to the podium, pushing aside the mayor and announcing into the microphone, "Here is our leader, this man right here, he has nothing lined up, so I say we elect him here and now as President of live free or die."

The room when wild, feet thumping the floor, cheers and hoots and whathaveyous. Me man looked at me perplexed and shook his head like he didn't know about me. I was hoping he wasn't going to turn on his heel and leave me standing there but he didn't. He raised a hand for silence and got it.

"Now, you folks know I am not a citizen of this country. But you know I can lead and if that's what you want than I'm your guy."

Pandemonium that's the only way to describe it.

"And, if anything goes wrong, you can blame it on this guy," and he pointed at ME!

I was in shock. WHAT? ME? I looked around for a hasty retreat but I was hemmed in so there was none. Me stomach was doing flip flops with the chili gurgling up and telling me I made a mistake, we were in Chili Land not live free or die and Vicente Fox was available. He'd build a wall around Chili Land and well we'd be safe. We had our own militia so what's the problem Gabe? Biased to Mexican food and it's influences?

I tell ya.

I mumbled we were in live free or die land not chili land and to stop it right now. Yes, it appeared to everyone there I was talking to meself like a lunatic and well think about it, I am a lunatic at times and a man talking to his stomach . . .really? I moved we hold elections right then and there and make it official before me candidate changed his mind. Well, it was done in an instant and what woke me up was me new leader shaking me hand and saying, "Fooled you good." I woke up with night terrors, the first I've ever had in me life. And why? Because the president I thought I had elected was Barack Obama, but it wasn't. Nooo, the man shaking me hand had lifted his other to his face and peeled off an Obama mask and there was Kellyanne Conway and worse she was sitting with her shoes on at the foot of me bed!

This so shook me I have been seeking treatment because I can't get that image out of me mind.

Scared the crap out of me - if that isn't frightening I don't know what is and it isn't even Halloween!
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  1. that is a nightmarish ending gabe! gives me nightmares just to think about it. thats a woman who is trying to act like she's a twenty something. instead she comes off the backwards uncouth fool. i'm surprised she hasn't had a face lift she looks really old. i think she's in her late 60s even more the fool she looks for trying to act and dress like a millennial.

  2. The chili looked good! I cant eat spicycuz I'm so freaking old. Next step for me is pablum. If I want to eat lava, 'll find ian active volcano. I DO enjoy your nightmares. LOL and I still say ick to curtains. LOL

  3. I'd look for psychiatric help too if that was sitting on the end of my bed. This um... person, has an ego problem where she has to be seen everywhere, even (it seems) in your dreams! LOL, Rarely do I agree with Fionnula, BUT in this case... You my friend, need to lay off the spicy foods.

    1. LOL Lucky! Every time I see her she has aged 10 years. I guess that's what lying through your teeth does to you. Gabe you are too funny!

  4. Holy Bartaloni! You blinded me for life. Gabe please put warnings of ugly woman pictures if you insist on saving them for the end of your tale. Whoa! There goes my lunch!

  5. Ack! I read this intriguing bit and got to the deadly end. I see you have one blind man (above) and now you have one who had a heart attack at seeing the photo of the vulture at the end.

  6. All I have to say is to STAY with the spicy foods! I get some great entertainment from you!

  7. Where's her broom? She looks like she's in riding position. You need a closeup of how ugly a witch face she has. Granny needs have lessons in class or at least act like she has a wee bit. But the world is seeing for itself the Trump admin. has no class but lots of crass.