05 June, 2016

I blame it on Mick Jagger getting into me head

05 June 2016

R. Linda:

Remember those black banana photos of mine from yesteryear? Shades of me artistic bits welling back up again I be afraid, but this time I didn't have Weasil to inspire me.

For Mother's Day I wanted to do something different besides go to the garden centre for plants that Tonya wanted for her garden. We did that, but I wanted to not be predictable so I made arrangements for Mam to watch the kiddos, and made reservations for dinner at a favourite gourmet pizza restaurant, followed by painting and wine at The Muse.

Tonya couldn't believe I'd "paint" with her (either could I), because usually she goes with a bunch of her girlfriends for a girls night out. So for me to go too and actually pick up a paint brush . . . well her delight was evident. Though I did share her astonishment of me painting anything besides a fence.

As I say, Tonya was thrilled and the evening came around and off we went. We stuffed ourselves at dinner and because dessert is usually very good, we found room (and it was chocolate lasagna because I know you'd ask me). We had left for dinner early because it was a bit of a distance to drive there and so we ended up lingering over dessert and coffee. Finally (because the place was beginning to fill up) we decided we better leave before they threw us out. Finding we had 45 minutes to spare we went to an Irish pub on the main drag and I nursed a drink until that place started to fill up as well. We got in our motor, found a parking place almost in front of The Muse Paint Bar and were sitting there chatting to kill time. Tonya was in the driver's seat when we both noticed this rather sketchy fellow walking along the outsides of the parked cars looking for vehicles with keys left inside. Just as he got to the front of our car, Tonya rolls up the window. Not too obvious was she? Oi! He gave her a nasty look and kept on moving down the line of cars behind us. Early or no, we got out, locked up the vehicle and went inside to the paint bar.

The people inside were still setting up but didn't mind us coming a few minutes early. We found our easels with our names and waited while others began to drift in. We listened to the music they played quietly in the background at times softly singing along like two people on a date. I bought us glasses of wine to sip while we waited which was about 20 minutes. I had another glass, because the pepperoni from the pizza was slightly salty, or maybe it was the pizza sauce, but I had a powerful thirst. I had three glasses of wine more before we started the painting. Then I had another because the art teacher was chattering on and laughing at her own silly jokes and really I don't know if it was her or me (probably me) who just wasn't "feeling it."

The artist told us to feel free to stop painting and get some wine and if there was a tune we wanted played over the music system to request it at the bar. Well, I wanted McCartney's Let It Be to be played because I was tired of her rattling on but Tonya wouldn't let me request it. Such a spoil sport. Here's what the paint bar looked like before the crowd.

Paint bar before everyone arrived
The picture we were to paint was a canopy of maple leaves with a scene that looked like moonlight bathing a swamp. I thought it was juvenile, and was not inspired. Tonya, on the other hand, was very serious about it. She loves artistic stuff, but me, well I was doing this to please her not because I am a closet artist. I ordered more wine, Tonya didn't want any and finally the teaching started. Now this isn't an excuse but we were at the back of the room and in front of us were long tables of six to a table (both sides) with easels. The three people who came in acting like they were professionals, decided to stand while painting which made it hard for us in the back to see what the teacher was teaching and of course they were right together in me sightline. At one point the song Walk Like An Egyptian came on and the bloke standing nearest started dancing like an Egyptian with his paint brush, and laughing. I didn't find that helpful.

Here are people standing but not the "professionals" who were closer to the camera and as you can see would blot out the blank white canvas you see in the picture where the "artwork" was being taught.
This made me frustrated that I couldn't see what was being demonstrated, so I cheated by looking at Tonya's painting. I tried to copy what she did, but I was so uninspired I didn't try very hard. There were other paintings on the walls that I liked better and would have liked to try copying one of those, and when I said as much, I got a dirty look from the wife.

Then suddenly over the music system came Mick Jagger telling me to "Paint it, paint it, paint it black!"

Well, I did me best (sort of) and was not happy with what I had on canvas. I went for more of the grape and felt rather creative to do me own thing and so I loaded me big paint brush with black paint and painted over the horror show I had before me, all the time listening to Jagger sing at me to PAINT IT BLACK!

All that black paint I couldn't let it go to waste
Me canvas was turned to the back wall so no one could see what was on it, including Tonya, until she took a peek and giggled that me trees had fingers. They were supposed to be exposed roots!

THIS was what I had, and certainly not me cuppa tea. Who needed two of the same painting I thought, so . . .
To me absolute horror, after twenty more minutes, the art teacher decided while we were all working on perfecting TREES she's stroll around and take a look at what we had on our boards. I shook me head at her approach and that just made her more curious and around she came.

"You . . . you . . . you don't like my artwork?" She looked at me and then at me canvas.

"Uh . . . no, I just be not inspired." I blurted which garnered a disturbed look on me wife's face as she came around the table to stare with open mouthed shock at me canvas. I shrugged me shoulders at them both.

"Well, I'll be interested to see what you do with that." The art teacher said and left looking rather shook.

The wife said nothing but was standing there biting her tongue (quite literally) and she sighed and went back to her own canvas, shaking her head many times as she thought about what I had on mine.

So here is the wife's rather close rendition of the night's art piece.

Tonya's at least looked like what the art piece was supposed to look like
And THIS, is what I painted being uninspired, or more correctly having had a wee bit too much of the grape.

Eh yeah one of a kind kitchen trash art (according to Tonya). Hey its an original!

I call this Cracked Egg On Black. You can imagine the teacher's face when she came to see me completed 'masterpiece'. Yup won't be going back there anytime soon. Probably WON'T be allowed in.

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  1. tonya's is done well and actually i kind of like yours.

    1. That be a left-handed compliment if ever there was one.

  2. Personally, i LIKE your painting! It looks like a creepy noon on the darkest night! I thonk all that wine made you go blank, tonya is an artist. You definitely have a dark side. LMAO but loom who you're talking to

  3. Don't blame it on Jagger, blame it on the booze LOL. It looks like a walnut floating in some kind of surreal inner light, but perchance I am getting too deep LOLOLOLOLOL

    1. Oi! I don't know how much more of this I can stomach. A walnut -- really?

  4. Um blame it on Jagger you're Irish, alcohol has no effect on you remember that. I thought your painting was a spaceship being funnelled down a black hole, my mistake! There is a part of me that likes it rather, and then there is another part of me that can't stop laughing. ;)

  5. Don't poke fun of half blind people! LMAO i have a lot of typos. LOOK! dammit LMAO

    1. I have no sympathy after the comments on me artwork so there near blind person. Can you see it? LOL

  6. I can't stop laughing. Good attempt though Gabe you get an A for trying LOL

    1. I mean LOL sorry still laughing, but for you to even get an egg, planet, whatever it was on the canvas after that many wines to me is a huge achievement LMAO. It's a wonder the painting wasn't on the easel itself! Or better on the instructor. Black definitely is the colour as all you Irish know

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    3. It's a dollop. Let's be honest. You probably looked next day and thought to yourself it looks like an egg and I'm going with it! Yup ROFLMAO

    4. Hey! I worked hard on that egg.