16 February, 2015

Don't Try This At Home -- for that matter don't try it PERIOD!

16 February 2015
762

R. Linda:

I bought a home! And since we bought it we’ve all been sick. It started with the eldest bringing home a bug from school that went through the family like gangbusters. It is been five weeks and I be still under the weather, thus, with the move, everyone ill, and numerous unforeseen repairs to the new abode, I haven’t had time for me blog.

I still don’t, but I have heard from enough followers I decided I best get something up before you all accuse me of being part of the winter blizzard blues condition.

When we bought the new abode, I had to replace the furnace liner, and so someone had to be there to let the furnace people in. Since the heat was sketchy, it was decided to move a bed over so I could stay there overnight. Well, we got the bed over, we got the mattress over, but we could not get the box spring moved. It was on the second floor of the old abode and since I put in the spiral staircase, nothing that large that was not bendable would make it to the first floor. 

So I set up the bed. I put in the slats and I had the mattress on the floor beside the bed. I laid down on it to find it was very uncomfortable. Tonya and the kiddos had come over while I was doing this so it was to her I said, “Do you think we can rest the mattress on the slats and it’ll be okay?”

“I don’t know,” said she, “why not try it?”

We moved the mattress onto the bed frame slats, she and the boyos went home, and I settled down thinking to make it an early night since the furnace men were coming very early the next morning and there was no telly nor Internet. 

Well, the night became eventful, to say the least. When Tonya and I had put the mattress on the bed frame we thought it looked sketchy but we ignored our thoughts. I went to bed and realised my legs were slightly elevated, but I was comfy so I fell asleep.

At about 2 a.m., I awoke to me legs straight up in the air, along with me head. I was quite literally a Gabe sandwich.

I struggled to get out of this peculiar and decidedly uncomfortable position, and the more I struggled the deeper smushed I got, and the bedclothes wrapped tightly around me like lettuce in a flatbread sandwich, making me situation worse.

I had visions of the kiddos finding me suffocated by me own mattress the next day. 

I gave it one last effort when I hear CRACK! One of the bed slats broke and now I was encased in bedding and mattress. Fearing the end was near, I propelled meself sideways and got me arms (which had been straight up over me head) free. I pulled (more like wrenched) meself along the floor like out of a toothpaste tube. I extracted meself from the killer mattress in what was for me, a great deal of physical strength and endurance. Once out, it took 30 minutes to pull the mattress out of the slats and onto the floor. I tell ya it was some kind of fright night!

When I think back on that night, I have to smile ruefully in memory of me first night in me new abode. Since then more crazy stuff has happened, but being on cough meds with codeine me mind be not exactly sharp. Me cough be better, but I sleep a lot. Did I mention I be on week number five of this illness mess? Yup, two calls for appointments I couldn’t get, one harrowing trip to Urgent Care, and finally I got an appointment and here I be. Still sick. 


Gabe
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6 comments:

Dew said...

First of all congratulations on your new abode! You know what they say about a new house don't you? Hope you get better soon. By the way, I think Sleepy's has a sale LOL

Fionnula said...

finally you're back! bout time. this was a good one. keep them coming please....

mobit22 said...

Still sick! And what's wrong with a Gabe taco? If you had a long air mattress,you wouldn't end up like a meal.LOL

mobit22 said...

Unless you're still stuck in the bed, there better be a new story coming soon! LOL

Gabriel O'Sullivan said...

Oh yeah, I'll get to that just as soon as I finish shovelling 40 feet of snow from me 3 miles of driveway. You just wait for it. LOL

Anonymous said...

There are no words to express the imagery I got from this story. LMAO.